Christmas was odd. My memory of the last two years is pretty sketchy so when I went it seemed so many things had happened. There were new people, relationships, etc. The world has changed without me. My uncle chatted to me explaining how young people my age have our entire lives to look forward to as most people live to about 80. If we don't have homes or equity we still have plenty of time to have fun and build it.
80 seems like a pipe dream. My body has been run into the ground and I may be in permanent retirement now. Living to 80 would be a glorious gift but I don't think I can count on it.
I left feeling sad that I have yet to find someone to include in my life. I feel scattered like I have no direction as I can't assume an outcome of health or function right now. I was left wanting the things I used to want, which was completing my masters degree and working a high powered career. I'm in a hold mode. I'm on pause and that should never happen despite illness or not. Every day is a day to live.