Today

If I only had today, what would I do?

I'd skip alllll of my medications for the day.

I would buy some clothes. Not because I'm into things or because I like to spend money. I'd like to feel like I'm worth wearing something which fits me and is pretty.

I would listen to my children. I'd want to hear them, whatever they had to say. I'd want them to feel that I was hanging on their every word and that what they say is valuable to the greatest extent. I'd want to let them know that I think they are brilliant and kind and that they without a doubt are my world. Without them, there is no me.

I'd spend time in my studio. I'd mess with paint, sand things, prime things and have a messy great time. I wouldn't worry so much that I was doing it wrong. Who cares? Nothing is perfect anyway and passion and ideas shouldn't paralyze me from creating. Fear is ridiculous. Paint can be painted right over again.

I'd hug my friends and tell them how much they have meant in my life. Bonds closer than blood, love deeper than a deep dish chocolate fudge, raspberry cheese cake. I'd let them know that they were the non judgmental glue that kept me together all these years.

I'd call a certain person and tell them how sad I am for them. I would make it very clear that I care and I wish them the best. I'd probably say, "pull your head out of your ass and fix your life", because I generally don't mess with peoples lives. I'd cry.

I'd walk to the beach and buy a Starbucks peppermint mocha, SuperBig. Blasphemy! I'd feel the warm cup in my hands and the cold sand on my feet. Who cares if it's winter. I'd spend hours upon hours there and feel connected to the magnificent and colossal strength of the Earth. I'd breath in the cool air and feel the purity which only exists in natural places. I'd take many, many photos during the magic hour when the world becomes enchanted through the camera lens. I'd be thankful and absorbed in the overwhelming beauty of it all and revel in what a gift this life is on Earth.

After dark I would curl up on my patio with the blankets my grandmother made me and my new favorite pillow in my hammock. My kids would squeeze in with me and make makeshift beds on the lawn chairs and we would talk about life beyond the stars and the magic, science and mystery of the universe. They would eventually fall asleep and I would stay there with them, forever.