Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Confrontation of Self -Photopalooza Day 6

I'm a mother and a student and an artist. I didn't have much concept of myself outside of those categories before. I certainly didn't exist as an individual. My life was for others and my focus was always outwards. There isn't much room for the existence of self, with three boys.

My life changed in an instant.

In contradiction, my hospital room was a cell where I was not allowed to leave and was far from my family. I had to mostly stay in my room and was never allowed to leave my floor. I was not used to being away from my children.

When you strip a human being of their family, friends, job, personal effects, coping mechanisms, freedom and hang them on the edge of life, you may find that there isn't a whole lot left. There is an empty hole where that person used to be. Finding myself with no other focus I honestly wondered what it mattered if I was here or not.

With my new camera, I began to take photos of everything around me in my room. I took photographs of all the disinfectants, gloves and medical paraphernalia which I, myself, needed. In this cell, it was all about me. As I pitched and rose through fevers, chemotherapy, and reactions to medications, I had to spend my moments with myself,

so I turned the camera around.

1 comment:

High Desert Diva said...

We are all more than we perceive ourselves to be.

Too bad it takes something horrible for us to find it...