Monday, March 31, 2008

YEAR 2 -post attempt #2



The tiara post, attempt #2. Two years ago I was diagnosed with having Acute Mylogeneous Leukemia. And today is a day for celebrating. Today is the exact right day to say, I'm glad to be here.

I'm going to start off with writing 5 things about myself because I was tagged by Michelle J.

I've never smoked cigarettes or been tempted to. I've never smoked pot or tried any type of illicit drugs. I never went through a drinking/party phase because I had my son as a teenager and worked hard to give him the best life possible. I used to run every morning after I got the kids to school and before I went to my university classes. I never slept around and I gave up sex in my 20's hoping to meet my forever guy.

At 32 cancer found me anyway.

I almost died on my couch at home alone. I hadn't been feeling well for months and had slowly disengaged from my friends so no one noticed when they didn't see me for a week. Luckily I had someone to call who took me to the emergency. I was flown by helicopter to to the Vancouver General Hospital in a fairly dramatic fashion. When I arrived all hooked up with tubes, I was put into a bare, quiet hospital room. I had a wave of regret and horror come over me. Why didn't I put any effort into remarrying? I was here alone.

Well, we can't be perfect, can we?

Nobody told me I was in any serious danger of losing my life. In those first few weeks, when things were scary, I never was afraid for my safety....ever. I felt strong like my life was firmly rooted to the Earth. I was as strong a part of this world as the ocean or a stone.

That's why I couldn't understand it when a great wailing was heard. Nobody came to see me in the hospital but many people went into a frenzy of morbid drama. Several songs were written but one with with the chorus line, "Hold on,______, hold on". Way to scare my kids. Acquaintances were telling my friends that I was dead for sure. There was no way I was going to make it. I vow on my life that I will verbally kick her ass when I see her again. My life was reduced to gossip.

Other than that things have gone almost perfectly. Unfortunately, perfectly isn't so great either. I'm still trying to gather my pieces together and manage day to day.

While living in the Cancer Lodge for 6 months I met some fantastic people. We used to laugh and have so much fun. It was like one long, albeit quiet, party there. We ate our meals together, sat in the outpatient clinics getting our treatment together and we took care of each other. I've never spent so much time with people like that. People's souls are amazing things and at that point we were all one. I guess you could have called them my bald posse.

I had to change my thinking of us being one when they began to die. Nothing in my lifetime has ever shook me to the core like losing so many people.


I feel comfortable talking about most things but I feel weird typing this.

I guess I'm done.

So, to conclude, this is my day to be thankful that I am here to type this crap. I am glad to be here, glad to be here, glad to be here.

11 comments:

Mixed Species said...

BaldyLocks! All we can say is keep writing. Today IS a great day. Your writing makes us feel good. Having lost a father to cancer at the age of 13 one of us Mixed Species guys is too familiar with the pain this disease leaves behind. So, keep writing.

Real Diva Designs said...

I am so proud of you..I will find you a gold star...I so glad your here to write too!!!!*¿*

Waterrose said...

I'm glad your here to tell your story...hugs to you.

BaldyLocks said...

Were your ears burning RealDiva?

BaldyLocks said...

RealDiva inspired me to make the tiara.

She knows tiaras make the world a better place.

....and I'm looking forward to my gold star...

Lauren said...

Ahhh, just caught up with several posts in a row! I love your writing. And I'm so glad you're here to tell us all your stories. And I LOVE the picture of your shadow on the water. So beautiful!

trinlayk said...

Nice tiara! You'll have to make a tiny one for Savannah when she arrives.

Let me know, over on ETSY when you get my package!

High Desert Diva said...

Kudos to you...many, many kudos.

For not giving in to peer pressure when you were young and getting caught up in the whole partying stage, for surviving, and for writing.

Keep writing...

Marie said...

And may I say, I am glad you are here...

Kimiko said...

I am so glad you're here too :o)

RustChic said...

what an incredible story
glad to see you're still kicking ass