I hate writing lousy things. I start to avoid my blog when I think I may have to write something which I'm not very fond of. I don't mind talking about death or illness or any of that but I do admit hating to write about when I feel bad. I always think there are creative solutions around it. I also believe that talking about our weakness can be a strength. I would rather be hung from my toenails than admit I'm not feeling so hot. That's exactly why I'm going to do it.
I went to my oncologists appointment and told her how much pain I'm in and how it is affecting my life. Rather than looking at me like I was a first class loser, she smiled and started putting the calls in to see if she could get things moving for me, regarding my surgery. She tried not to scare me about the implications of getting an infection and was very helpful. My other option was to go to emergency but then I would have to be dealt with by emergency gynaecologists. She assured me the ER gynaecologists are just as qualified as the ones I've been seeing but I would much rather have my vaginal/cervix surgery done by people who deal with graft/vs/host on a regular basis.
She also told me how I can manage my pain. If I take 2 Tylenol and 2 Advil, it seems to work quite well. I've dealt with many levels of pain and I'm very surprised this works as well as it does in this instance. I was sure I'd need morphine. I hate morphine with a firey passion, just for the record.
On a good note my prediction for my medications was correct...sort of. I'm doing so well every other way that she would have made a significant lowering of my medications. Unfortunately she doesn't want to rock the boat until after I'm healed from my surgery. Graft/vs/host is a temperamental thing and a physical trauma can send me back into problems.
I'm seriously sad about that. I was looking forward to a normal head again by summer. Fuck that nasty prednisone. Also, thanks prednisone for saving my life! It's a love/hate relationship (but mostly hate).
I'm so close to the road to recovery that I can taste it. Maybe that's why I've been binging on donuts and coffee crisps. MMMMMmmmmm.