Oncology day

Today is my big oncology appointment. I haven't been for 3 months! The leash is getting a little longer. My blood work as been looking uber fabulous, every two weeks it looks even better. Heck, I think it's almost normal. My liver has calmed down and is playing nice. My hemoglobin is good and my creatinine levels are not too shabby. One thing related to my liver is off and that is the GGTP. It's double the number it should be but I don't even know what that is so, whatever, it doesn't count.

I'm expecting a change in my medications and a change in my treatment today. I'm expecting a move forward. What I'm looking forward to most, is being taken off the prednisone. My muscles will return and I will sleep again. My face will return to normal and I'll feel like a human being. There is a lot to look forward to. No more fighting back tears as I struggle to get through the grocery store. No more feeling like a humiliated ass as I park in the handicapped spots because I have to. No more feeling like a shadow of myself.

My pain levels have shot up considerably but it's a good thing and I'll tell you why. I have to have that surgery done. It cannot wait. I am a patient person and I have a very high pain tolerance level. I am not able to cope with this level of pain and my life at the same time. If the problem becomes an infection I will not be able to bounce back well from it. My body is not up for the fight. Today I can look my oncologist in the eye and let her know without a doubt that this needs to be done NOW. The pain is just giving me the confirmation that I am correct and the permission to push for what I need. I'm hoping I don't come home today. I hope they put me under and fix me so I can finally pull my shit together, get better and get on with my life.