Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mortification


Oy.

I have done everything wrong today. When will this chemo fried brain drain go away? It's been two years.

Maybe it's because of my medications? Maybe over exhaustion which I deal with every day. Maybe it's because my cells are all fighting with eachother? All I know is it takes me 3 times as much energy to do the same simple tasks that others would do easily.

The reason is because I make mistakes. I drop my change when I try to put it in parking meters, I lock my keys in the car with the lights on so I need to get rescued, pick up the keys and hunt down someone to jump start the car. I get lost trying to find doctor appointments at new locations. I can't make decisions and need help to pick out a birthday card for my new niece. Then I realize I've missed the home care worker who comes to my home.

I try and stay composed and act as if it's all as smooth as pie but I think I have a chunky apple pie. And it's probably a really high quality and delicious cinnamony apple pie with nice flaky pastry, but I digress. I also get easily distracted and run off topic. I go to do one thing which leads me to another and then another and then I remember what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. This makes the most basic things difficult.

If things are quiet and there is nothing new to contend with, if there is no scheduling needed or papers to fill out, no wrestling teenagers, people calling, visitors and I've had enough sleep then I'm fine.....mostly.

Today has been exceptionally frustrating because we had several appointments. The more things there are to do, the more scattered I get.

I feel like a bit of a twit.

4 comments:

Autonomous Artisans said...

I feel for you hun. Brain fog is so annoying and trying to get other people to understand why simple tasks are so hard when your brain refuses to follow a logical path is almost impossible.

High Desert Diva said...

Seconding Lynne's remark.

For what it's worth...many of the things you said happen to me frequently, too. And I don't have fried chemo brain as an excellent excuse!

One Mother with Cancer said...

OMG!!! I live everything that you wrote almost daily... At work I have to keep a note pad of things that I MUST accomplish each day, or I go from one task to another, never getting ANY ONE OF THEM completed!! It is so frustrating.

Try keeping a list, it helps a little.

BaldyLocks said...

I for one am impressed that you can work OneMother. There is no way I could function at a workplace yet, but I'm hoping to get there.