Saturday, May 23, 2009
Gallery Sitting & My Master Plan
Finally! My master plan is actually in effect.
The minute I was told I had Leukemia, I made a list of all the things in my life that needed to be taken care of. Later I was told it would take at least a year post transplant to get back to work. At the time, a year seemed absolutely huge and heartbreaking. Instead of worrying I immediately made a plan to get back into the art world and then back to work. First, when I was well enough, I was going to start volunteering at an art gallery on my own schedule until I was able to do actual shifts again at my job, which they said they were holding for me.
Less than a year passed and then the post transplant complications kept rolling in, one after the other, after the other. I kept telling myself, just a few more months, jut a couple more. After the third year was in sight I began doubting myself a lot. I've been rolling in a whole lot of hurt, mental emotional and physical. All I need is for my body to cooperate a little more.
Eventually I've begun to feel like maybe I won't get back. Losing your future is a hard thing to process and deal with. Especially when you're 36. I'd cry if my tear ducts worked. Damned stem cell insubordination.
But now that the warm weather is here it feels like a small miracle that my hands are working without much trouble. The cold makes them seize up and I spill my drinks on myself and drop things randomly. It's insanely embarrassing for someone who uses their hands for a living.
So I finally get to put my old plan in motion. Here I am at the gallery!
I'm so excited that I was able to do this. I need a huge injection of hope right now.