Friday, October 23, 2009

Observations From the Field

More observations from the field. The weather has turned here and it's become extremely cold. Not the kind of cold that brings snow and ice but the cold that is chilling wind and rain. I need a sweater.

So I went to Old Navy intent on finding a super cheap deal for something I feel nice in and warm in. My experience has told me that if you keep diligently hunting until your eyes bleed, you will eventually find something amazing for $10 or less. As I tore through a stack of sweaters, I came across a cute black one that fit all the requirements. Cozy, warm, colour that goes with everything and it looks really good on me.

As I checked myself admiringly out in the mirror I heard a woman just outside of the changing stall, chatting. I didn't really register what she was saying at first but as I stepped out she was saying, "GAWWWWD, this makes me look SO frumpy! Why can't I find anything that doesn't make me look frumpy?" When I came out I almost bumped in to her and we were face to face heading to the same mirror... wearing the same sweater.

We were the same size, same body type, same colouring, had our hair up... both looking damned good in the same sweater. She stopped for a second and gave me the eye up and down. She then continued complaining about how frumpy and fat and ugly she was, on and on, every once in a while taking a good look at me. She had a baby carriage beside her and a doting friend who was listening to all her complaints. She mostly complained about her breasts which were, "Way too big", and apparently the absolute bane of her existence.

I felt a little empty then. Stepping out and inadvertently facing an almost mirror reflection that apparently loathed her new post baby body. It kind of hurt as if she were talking about me even though she wasn't.

I have to admit a small deep down part of me was angry... that she had good health, a full head of hair, a new child and could so easily complain about, of all things her breasts and appearance.

I do everything I can every day to appreciate and love this post cancer, slow moving, chemo ravaged, slightly post prednisone pudgy, and transplant raged body.

I haven't felt like that for a while. Like it's me vs all the healthy people.

So I bought that damn sweater, because I looked GOOD in it! (and it was $10) And guess what?

SO DID SHE!

7 comments:

Caroline said...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And you have the self confidence and appreciation that apparently she is sorely lacking. Go enjoy your sweater.

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

I think you look fantastic. I have no excuses and I'm all pudgy and stuff..."embrace what you have" I say....it's all you got.

Jens said...

Women vs. clothes. This is always a big deal.
For her doting friend, it was probably like hell.
I imagine what he says in the evening to her: "Sex? No thanks, I have a headache!"
;o)

Maybe Post a picture on which you wear the sweater?
Then we'll see.

T.Allen-Mercado said...

Awesome! I'm glad you bought the sweater, you overcame that moment like everything else-good for you.

Autonomous Artisans said...

Some people are just self loathing. That is their problem. You are fabulous, gorgeous, sexy and beautiful. You are lucky enough to know that about yourself and see yourself for what you are in the mirror. Sadly for her all she sees is ugly.

I'm glad you didn't let her problem stop you from buying.

Ann said...

Of course you looked fabulous. As probably did she, and it's too damn bad she couldn't see it. Maybe someday, like me, she'll get breast cancer and have to have one or both of those problematic breasts cut off. She'll look back on days like this with regret, I would imagine. Going through chemo and radiation would give her a new perspective on what is important in your appearance.

But, we only can know what we know.

We women are often too hard on ourselves and wanting physical perfection. When, healthy and functional is really all that matters. Sadly, it's one of those things we cancer survivors find out all too quick.

Bohemian Chic said...

Your next blog should be about all your shopping adventures. I can just see you giving her the evils in your quiet way..so glad you bought the sweater! Retail therphy is there anything like it.