Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Holding Pattern

I'm back to the ol' holding pattern, fending off pain and waiting for my doctors to give me appointments. I have to admit, I'm not pushing much and just letting things happen in a relaxed fashion. I just feel a little lost. I had just graduated to not quite being followed by my doctors like I could self combust at any moment. I just really want to be left alone.

Avoiding the doctors though, would mean surgery and other nasty things in the future. I try my best to be a good little patient but really I want to run away and never go back. That's not too helpful to my body so I have to suck it up.

I made a list the night before last, of all the symptoms that have come back. Dry eyes, vaginal pain, peeling lips, all over body pain, arthritic pain and a spastic bowel. I'm wondering now if the body pain is actually a symptom of the graft vs host? It came back suddenly and at the same time as everything else.

So, just waiting....

7 comments:

Neil Wiernik said...

oh rose I am so sorry that you have taken some steps backwards when you have taken so many forward... but know this its only a few steps back not 100s. Just stay on top of it get in to see your doctors so you dont end up taking 100s of steps backwards.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you, only basing it on my own. I know that feeling of wanting to be left alone very well, only yesterday I went to PMH to re-fill 2 of scripts for the 9 meds that Im and what was the first thing I muttered under my breath as I walked in through the doors "I hate this place", I just hate going there. I dont hate it I mean its the people that worked there that have saved my life not once but twice in the last 3 years but still I hate the place, I just want it all to go away... so I understand only too well what you mean when you say that. But please for you and your kids dont be too relaxed about getting in to see your doctors deal with it sooner rather then later as we all know now the sooner we deal with health things the better it is in the long run...
sending you lots of warm long loving hugs for you all the way across the country!!!

Anne said...

I'm glad you are making your appointments and waiting as calmly as possible for them. Continue to stay on top of things and also give yourself some time hiding under the covers from all of this.

I drove to Philadelphia today...it went well & I was so happy to get home at 3:30 this afternoon!!! When I fly there I usually get home after 10:30 pm just b/c of scheduling and the flight schedule.
I got my treatment along with a test to make sure my heart can take more treatment (it can.) I also just got the results of my mammogram and breast sonogram and they are normal. So after a period of lots of drama, it seems things are calming down for me right now.
I wish you lots of calm too!
Thinking of you!

Caroline said...

Ah, the life of the not-so-patient patient. My inner freak out happens regularly.

Jens said...

Niel is right. I understand that you hate those damn medical appointments. But those appointments are not the enemy. Maybe you should think this way. Remain calm, but do not be too passive in terms of doctor appointments. I hope you feel better soon.
My thoughts are with you.

Anne said...

Hi Baldylocks!
For some reason my computer or the site at CSL won't let me comment or post anything...very frustrating! I am glad I am able to reach you here!
How are things going today?
I had a low day today...developing a strange cough & of course my mind has gone right to lung mets.
I emailed my care mgr to let them know & to ask if they want to move my next PET/CT up. I am waiting to hear back from them abotu that & just trying to stay calm. Blahhh!
Too bad we can't do our waiting together!
Just wanted to check in.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

BaldyLocks said...

What is your blog, anonymous?