Monday, August 30, 2010

Fire & Flame



I feel.

I feel scattered shattered and lost.

I feel defeated, cracked, broken, and overwhelmed.

I feel scared, hopeless, lost and like a failure.

I feel like tomorrow will actually come.

I feel hope.

I feel composed.

I feel solid, whole and rejuvenated amidst the pain.

I feel content within my broken body.

I feel I could cry although my body cannot create tears.

I feel a loss of control of my life.

I feel a growing sense of inner love and empathy.

I feel as if the very plates of the continents I stand on have slipped away from underneath my feet.

I feel alone among company.

I feel silent, I feel small.

I feel a transcendence of body and spirit.

I feel an inner peace that outstretches the body of my being.

I feel my years and minutes melting, disappearing while I simultaneously am able to cherish the moment.

I feel the connectivity of the atoms creating the universe and those within my body.

I feel empty.

I feel the flow of ideas that flutter, drifting through my mind like the eventual dusting of ashes from a scorching fire.

I feel like I can continue.

I can.

I can't.

I feel.

4 comments:

Idelle Davidson said...

Your words are so very moving and beautiful. I wish you all the best, BaldyLocks.

Idelle Davidson
YourBrainAfterChemo.blogspot.com

BaldyLocks said...

Thank you, Idelle.

Jill said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings Baldylocks. It helps to know that others have some of the same thoughts and feelings when trying to overcome what cancer has done to them.
Keep smiling:)

Jill.

Dawny said...

So much has been happening since I have been on holiday....

thinking of you as ever

xxxxxx