Saturday, October 2, 2010

Stress Vent

My mind is getting away from me and Google is at my fingertips. I promised myself, I wouldn't mention avascular necrosis until I know for sure but waiting is so hard. When they booked the MRI it wasn't a long wait but still a waiting game.

My brain keeping pinging around to my life after being diagnosed with degenerative condition but I need to put on the brakes. It's just so damn hard to not flip out at the unknown. I like to know what's going on in me. I read my own bloodwork results and follow along with all the tests I get.

I manage to stay away for a few days and then there I go, Googling it again. Every site has different takes on it. The one I just found said that in the early stages before there is much damage, it can be recommended to keep the weight off the joint in hopes that it will heal. It showed illustrations of a normal hip and then another with the crumbling hip ball. I went back to my X-rays and stared hard at them.

I imagine having to get another handicapped place card for my car and then I cry a bit. Then I begin designing what my crutches will look like. I think I would paint them white with pink flames... and maybe a hot red-cross symbol. They'd be super hot. Then I could start wearing matching nurse outfits with the white nurse hat.

Again, super hot. It almost gets to the point where I'll be disappointed if I don't get the freaking awesome flaming crutches.

But I'd really rather have healthy bones and hip joints. I swear I could just scream.

(now I'm mentally designing my Halloween costume)


Caroline said...

It is possible to google one's self into a nervous breakdown. I have done this to myself and dont recommend this. Its like this itch you must scratch to find out what you can. But hands off the computer and work on a Halloween costume!

hockeychic said...

I totally agree with Caroline. I have googled myself to a nervous breakdown before. I know it is hard but focus on the creative. Can't wait to see what you come up with for a Halloween costume!

Toboggan said...

I've done that too, waiting for a scheduled test (or for its results). I have to keep reminding myself that the results will be what they'll be, and no amount of wishing on my part could influence them to be otherwise. In the meantime, I get a free pass to pretend everything's okay without officially being in denial.

Heehee! My verification word here is blymp, and going on a blimp ride is tops on my bucket list! (It's a sign! It's a sign! I *must* do it!!) :D