Killing my project list, that is.
Being sick again (through October to the end of Novemebr) has knocked me off my feet and I inevitably get set right back and have piles of work and life stuff to get done. I find it very stressful to have all these things that need doing when I am unable to get them done. Because I am an artist and I am not able to get back to work yet because of my health, I find that I end up picking up projects for people. My brain still thinks it's five years ago when I could get multiple things accomplished every day but reality hits when I feel completely inept and overwhelmed.
Most of my days has this omnipresent feeling of being behind and even guilt, yet I wander around in circles too stressed and chemo brained to get anything done. Hiding from it all is no way to live. I find these little projects which are often photography projects clog up my psyche.
I start to feel better and then I am slammed with everything that needs to get done. Well no more! I made a kill list and all my projects are on it. I'm trying my best to not get distracted while I'm at my computer and I'm trying my best to remember to eat because I end up cycling into exhaustion if I forget to.
So far I have killed 2 big projects and am onto a third today. I'm not working on my paintings yet because I need to clear the slate. I expect a sense of freedom to arrive when I'm done and I won't be taking on anything else. My sons and my needs will come first.... like it should be.
The first project haunting me was some snapshots of whales for some friends of mine. I was visiting my family when from their patio, I saw some orcas approaching. I grabbed my camera in just enough time to get a few shots of the Killer Whale family coming in close to the shore and swimming in between boats. Then I realized my friends were on the one boat quietly watching.
As peaceful as this looks, the pod was hunting seals and I watched as the older ones stood by as the young whales killed a seal. I also saw a few seals sitting quietly very close to shore terrified out of their wits, I'm sure.
Just a few more, larger projects to go!