Sunday, November 18, 2007

Angry post

Yes, last night I posted in anger. I'm just not sure how to get a certain somebody to get the message of "you are not welcome in my life". His actions are passive aggressive and he does things so he looks like a good guy. Manipulating and contacting my friends and family is not leaving someone alone. Trespassing in someones life repeatedly when that person has said "NO" is NOT being a good person in any respect.

I'm at a loss. If I contact him, it means he has "won" because that's what he wants. Why does this have to be a game?


Skully said...

I've found that the people that play these kinds of mind games are the ones that have very low self esteem. The way they feel they have some kind of worth or power in this world is by manipulating others. They get great joy in having conformation that their meddling is having an effect. The thrive on confrontation.

The best thing you can do with people like this is to treat them like a toddler having a temper tantrum, ignore any action they take that is not causing any danger to anyone, give them no re-enforcement of their behaviour by showing them any reaction, but if you do have to react because something they are doing is endangering life and limb don't do it in a loud angry manner, stay calm and reasonable, do not bring up old situations, do not raise your voice and if possible be as light hearted about it all as you can. This can be a hard thing to do when someone has just mounted the pavement in their car to run you over, but if you can keep your head and stay calm you will win in the end.

To bring up old situations is to just let them feel the won again on that old score as it is still effecting you enough that you mention it. To get angry or raise your voice gives them the satisfaction that they have raised your temper. To react to every little thing they do also makes them feel they have power over you.

No matter how much they infringe on your life or frighten you, you have to give the impression to them that they are little more than one rain drop on your sunny day. They will eventually get bored of trying to annoy or upset you when they get no feed back from you. Sadly they usually move on to someone else to try and control, annoy, frighten, but there is little you can do about that.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I experienced something similar to that with an ex a few years back. As he raised the tantrum bar to new and bizarre heights, I kept thinking "This is such egregious behaviour, surely I should break my silence, call NOW and threaten him with punishment for his attention-seeking actions?" The answer from everyone I spoke with was No. So I didn't. It eventually stopped. It's very stressful and angering for the recipient of such actions, i.e. you, and I empathize totally.