I feel a huge shift happening with my life right now. It feels as if the very cellular make up of my body is reconstructing to something completely different (which we all know it actually is, RIP to my DNA thanks to the BMT). My environment has changed, the things I need have changed and the very structure of the people in my life has shifted. The things I thought I could count on are gone. The poisonous people are gone and now that they are, I can actually see how much better off I am. I can also see very clearly the scars that are left from being in relationships that hurt and damage.
I have SWAT Teams swooping down on my building, I've barely moved for 2 months, I'm on the end of the Earth. I'm fully encompassed in a life that is nothing short of weird. I even have cable. I feel alien here or maybe more specifically like Alice in Wonderland, the one difference is that I know I'm not going to wake up out of this... this is my life.
I'm so lonely which is something else I'm not used to. Historically I've always been to busy and driven to be lonely. I'd like to pretend that I at least have a touch of control but there isn't much use in pretending. I guess I'll just have to surrender (my Oprah word for the day) to it and see where this is all going.
Ever watch Goonies? The part where they are sliding down tunnels to a strange destination is where I am now, maybe there are pirates at the end?
There are big changes happening. I guess it's fitting that it's happening right at the opening of 2010, I can just pretend that it's part of my New Year's resolutions and that it's all normal.
someone to Me: "So what are your New Year resolutions?"
Me: "To change my entire life"
someone to Me: "cool"
Good or bad, I'll make it work.