Sunday, April 1, 2012

People


So what I'm learning is, there are a lot of nice people around. I'm also being reminded that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to others. Couple that with the newness of my job and I feel pretty stressed in general. Thank goodness Spring is coming. Each sunny day I feel a little more energised.

I still need to figure out how to take care of myself. I'm still trying to build a new life and get out of this bubble. I'm afraid of illness, germs, people, loss and about me being broken in general. There is a deep seeded fear that no one will ever want me.

I thought after my bone marrow transplant I would one day get better and walk away from it all. Now I know that it's embedded in me forever. As an artist I can see good things in that, I can take my experiences and create with them.

Now I need to let people back in my life. I've always kept such a distance from people, I would never tell them anything about myself. I had a deep line drawn in the sand around me. I hope I can let that go and invite someone in.


11 comments:

Girl With The Swirl said...

I hear you about the bubble. I'm just weeks out of my last round of chemo and feel like a total germaphobe, a) because my blood counts are in the crapper, and b) I've developed i hatred for sneezers, couriers and sniffly noses, well maybe not hate.. Anyways your blog is very relatable for a gal like me, going through AML. I wish you nothing but the best. Found you through StupidCancer. I also blog about my thoughts too, so thanks for being open and willing to share your journey. It can be hard, but we can do it. All the best -Ashley

BaldyLocks said...

Thanks for your lovely comment, Swirl Girl. I don't meet many people with AML. I wish you all the best and More.

mposto87 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jens said...

I wish you a wonderful weekend.

Revival.Life said...

Two things that struck me in your post was:
Fear is such a basic emotion that it just manages to creep on you without realizing. it takes constant monitoring of ones thoughts to get rid of it.
I work as a play therapist and paint/ sketch from time to time myself. I find art / play (for me they are equivalent) are infact very good mediums of communication. Often verbal talks are unheard by people however we talk because we need to. Art / Play too do the same. I wouldnt really put myself against the wall if I am not a very social person.
Wish you health and peace.

http://revivallife.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/surviving-cancer-2/

BaldyLocks said...

You too, Jens.

Evan Bartlett said...

My name is Evan Bartlett, and I was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was 4 months old. I am now 20 years old. I bring this up only because I am currently working on a documentary called, Discovering The Beating Path. We will be embarking on a journey across the West July 1st- August 20th. Along the way we will stop at cancer camps, retreats, and support groups.

I've been reading your blogs, and I love what you have to say about cancer. I feel that everyone survivor story must be told. My crew and I are trying to promote our project as much as possible. I provided a couple links so you could get a better understanding:

My Story:
http://youtu.be/bMzfkF5-QxQ

Donation Page:
http://www.indiegogo.com/dtbp?a=208023

Website:
http://dtbp.tumblr.com/

Please let me know if you are interested in helping us out. Feel free to ask any questions you may have.
--
Take care,
---
Evan Bartlett
Producer
I Survived Cancer
Discovering The Beating Path
(618) 406-8133

Dawny said...

Hey have'nt been able to comment for a while...

Just popped by to say Hi and think of you often

xxxx

John's Brain said...

Dear BaldyLocks,

You should know that I mentioned you and your blog in my book "Chief Complaint, Brain Tumor" which was recently published. Here's what I wrote: "then I stumbled across Fuck Cancer and the horse it rode in on. The blog’s URL tells you something too: http://baldylocks.blogspot.com. The “Stupid Cancer Rant” video she posted captured her bubbling emotional cocktail of rage, anguish and bravado in a way that just cracked me up. It adroitly walks
the fine line between comedy and tragedy."

All the best,

John

BaldyLocks said...

I've been AWOL from here for a while, living life & whatnot :)

John, your comment about my blog is very cool! Thank you for the mention.

GERTRUDIS CANDELARIO said...

I have long felt a special connection with herbal medicine. First, it's natural, Charlie attended the same small college in Southern California - Claremont Men's College - although he dropped out of school to enroll in the Julliard School of Performing Arts in New York. York. Had he been to Claremont, he would have been senior the year I started there; I often thought that was the reason he was gone when he discovered that I had herpes. So, my life was lonely, all day, I could not stand the pain of the outbreak, and then Tasha introduced me to Dr. Itua who uses her herbal medicines to cure her two weeks of consumption. I place an order for him and he hands it to my post office, then I pick it up and use it for two weeks. All my wound is completely healed no more epidemic. I tell you honestly that this man is a great man, I trust him Herbal medicine so much that I share this to show my gratitude and also to let sick people know that there is hope with Dr. Itua. Herbal Center.Dr Itua Contact Email.drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/Whatsapp ... +2348149277967
He cures.
Herpes,
Prostate
Breast Cancer
Brain Cancer
CEREBRAL VASCULAR ACCIDENT.
,Endomertil Cancer, cerebrovascular diseases
Hepatitis,Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,
Dementia.Tach Disease,Shingles,
Lung Cancer, Leukemia Lymphoma Cancer,
Lung Mesothelioma Asbestos,
Ovarian Cervical Uterine Cancer,
Skin Cancer, Brain Tumor,
H.P.V TYPE 1 TYPE 2 TYPE 3 AND TYPE 4. TYPE 5.
HIV,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
Cervical Cancer
Colo-rectal Cancer
Blood Cancer
SYPHILIS.
Diabetes
Liver / Inflammatory kidney
Epilepsy