Big Day

I just realized what a big day it is today! I'm getting my LAST immunization in my loooong string of immunizations. Anyone who has had a stem cell transplant knows what I'm talking about. It's been such a long haul and the last immunization is like a little gate to the world of physical normality. I will no longer have to worry that a simple childhood illness will kill me.

That sniffling baby and those random coughing people at the grocery store just got a little less scary.

Tip For Surviving a Stem Cell Transplant #136.2

Beware the agitated health nurse bearing needles.

Health nurses, in my experience are generally genteel and centered women. They reek of empathy and tend to make you feel as if your particular well-being is something they think about when they go to bed every night. Their calming energy leaves you feeling at peace with the world despite the momentary unpleasantness of the shots they administer.

In contrast, the Agitated Health Nurse may give immunization shots like she were playing competition lawn darts on speed.

BEWARE : Identifying the Agitated Health Nurse

If when she greets you in the waiting room she fails to make eye contact, take note. This is the first sign. Second, if when she brings you into the pink and yellow "Happy Room" and begins to buzz around like she's not sure where to go next you may have found, the Agitated Health Nurse. Her twitchy movements and the sound of crying babies just outside of the door confirms it. Unfortunately you are already in her lair of chaos.

At this stage all you can do is stay calm and as quiet as possible. Any questions or sudden movements will only prove to agitate further. If possible, fall onto the floor motionless. With any luck this will convince her you are dead or in need of serious medical intervention. If she has a guilt complex and comes to the conclusion and that she caused your death then you have the best scenario possible. Likely it will be as simple as getting dragged out the back door to the dumpster, and to freedom.

In my case she didn't buy the dead act and proceeded to brutalize me with the shots. Maybe I should have slipped her one of my old Ativan.

I've been...

shot!

Finally!


This is medically a huge step for me and a day I've been waiting for a VERY long time! Over two years actually.

My stem cell transplant left me with zero immunities. That's right, zero. I'm medically responsible to be afraid .... very afraid. I must avoid any busy public places, like transportation, movie theatres, line ups etc. I also have to avoid touching or spending too much time with children and am not really allowed to visit hospitals, lest I be exposed to something nasty. I have to avoid any type of party foods because they sit out on the table and cannot guarantee having been refrigerated. That also goes for any kind of vendor food or basically anything fun. It's my job to be paranoid.

Wait, did you just cough!? Are you sick!? Do you think you might have Diphtheria? Or perhaps Pertussis? OMG! Is that a chicken pock?!!!

I carry around hand sanitizer which is sure to be the end of the world as we know it because of all the super bugs it's going to create. I'm a real bummer to take out sometimes.

People close to me occasionally think I'm going overboard but the chances of dying because I ate some dip at the wedding is a bit of a deterrent. Possible death or piece of broccoli? Hmmmm.

I try to keep my caution under wraps but it's inevitable that someone will say, why aren't you eating any of this delicious food that we've had sitting out on the table under the hot sun since an undisclosed time? Why aren't you kissing that rashy little baby? Why don't we just cram ourselves in that doorway with 13 other people so our bodies can all rub up against each other while we wait for our table? Their body heat will keep us warm.

Hell, my oncologist says I'm not even allowed to eat blue cheese or dig in the garden!

Anyway, I received 5 shots with about 3 different diseases being covered per shot. I have to keep getting a series of these shots for the next year. I am no longer a born again immunity virgin!

I'm finally on the road to an immune system that will protect me!