EEEEEEK *blush*

Well, I don't know what to say about my last post. Thanks for all the amazing responses. I've never added up how much a month worth of medication costs because I didn't want to face it. Which is odd, because my life is all about budgeting. I'm a genius at living with little, but I'm not sure how to manage what is happening financially right now. I'm in a bit of a tight spot to put it mildly.

And I'm a bit embarrassed about my last post. I was going about picking up the turkey for my sons dinner and trying to stay calm and in control despite everything I have to do this coming week as well as my financial situation. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions at the same time without the extra money stress.

Happiness and joy for my oldest son. Sadness that my baby is now a man. Sadness that I've missed these last two years of his life by being ill. Weirdness because I'm too young to have a son graduating! I had him when I was still in high school. I promised him the best life ever which I've succeeded in many ways but I've also fallen short in many ways. I just can't believe my chance to do things for him is done. He is an adult now and needs to make his own choices.

I always knew I wanted to get him an amazing graduating gift to let him know, I believe in him and am proud of him. Unfortunately the bank account is empty.

The other side of this pull, is my anxieties about the surgery. Also travelling back and forth etc etc.

Coming back to my embarrassment of my last post, this is what happened. I was out picking up my medications and a turkey, came back home and took my afternoon medications. A short time after that I must have written my blog post. Then I went and curled up outside with a blanket and a pillow in my hammock. I felt great and ended up having a big nap which I never do because it usually makes me feel like hell.

Later I woke up and felt not quite awake but fabulous and dreamy. Later I realized I had taken my evening medication which included sleeping pills, rather than my afternoon ones. I'm not sure how I managed to do that because I have them all set out in a pill organizer.

I'm so glad I didn't drive anywhere because I had no idea what I had done. At least it led to a nice lazy afternoon...and a slightly baring blog post.