I'm Fine

I'm fine. I've just been suffering the blahs lately. I've started blog posts here and there yet never hit the post button.

Spring is imminent, that should help.

Lazy and Behind

Still recovering as usual from my Vancouver oncology appointments. I swear there's not a lot that takes it out of me like that. On top of that, the boys are home for two weeks for spring break. Again, we are the only ones home, not having grand adventures during the break. I feel so bad that I'm not able to give more to my sons other than my undivided attention. I did have to go over for another one day appointment and my youngest came with me. It's nice for him to see where I go and what I have to do to stay healthy and alive.

We had a good day and wandered around Granville island. We even went down town to go to the zip-line in Robson square but there was a three hour wait! We were too tired and unwilling to waste our (my) precious energy on it when we could go to several other fantastic zip lines with no waits. We are outside, adventuring kind of people.

I really hope that one day I have the energy, health and finances to go on a camping trip with them before they grow up. It's been so long since we've done such a thing.

We're pretty happy, though, in general. All my at home time has been fantastic for our relationship. I am SO proud of my boys and the way they are turning out. They seriously rock, and I am lucky to have them.

So I will ride this out and hopefully be functioning again soon. I'm so tired of the two steps forward, one giant months long set back. This life of mine has to be fixable or manageable at least.

I hate falling off the planet for weeks at a time. Today was a true day of rest, though. Somehow I stayed in my pajamas all day and sat on my patio that all the people walking by on the street. They like to take a good look when the walk by and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

So I'm slowly working on some commissioned paintings. It fantastic to feel useful again, even though this has been taking months due to my health setbacks.

I dream of a day where there will be no setbacks and I can just live my life with out paying the physical consequences.

I spent five and a half hours today on the computer today, completing a photo shoot I had to do for a friends business. Thank goodness it's done. Now just several more projects for other people until I can work on my own things again.

I swear, I never cease to be baffled about how much time everything takes me these days. When it comes down to it, the time with my sons is more precious to me than anything in the world. Being there for them is such a privilege that I know could be taken from me at any moment.

It's hard to be cancer free when you know that once it comes, it never quite leaves you. I'm haunted.