Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Call me a Whaaaambulance.

I just took my camera into the camera hospital and it's going to cost me $300 to fix it! I dropped it a little while ago because my medications make me so shaky. I just spent $145 yesterday on medications and related paraphernalia, alone.

My camera is my ability to create (somewhat blurry pictures) while I am unable to paint. It allows me to feel a little bit of control over my situation. I feel like I am missing an appendage without it. I didn't realize what a coping mechanism it is for me. I sort of knew, but not really.

I take it with me wherever I go. It feels like my shield from reality and now I'm naked without it. Carrying my camera gives me a sense that I'm only "undercover" in this whole cancer dance.

Well, damn. It's not the end of the world but it is huge to me. Hello credit card debt.

I also want to send out a big HUG to Neil.

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