Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Intangebility

I don't seem to belong here. A few days ago I wrote the words, "I feel lost and out of place in my own life", on a forum and hit send before it had occurred to me that I even wrote it.


My sons are teenagers now and have their own lives, separate from mine. When they converse with me, they usually want something. I'm the driver, the lame unhip old person who keeps them from all the cool stuff they could be doing if they had no rules. I'm the barrier. The harder I try to spend the limited energy I have on them, the more they have to lament about.

This is normal. I've always known it would happen and these days would pass.

The problem is, I almost left them forever. Will I still be here when that time comes?

Life seems intangible right now. It's right there but I can't seem to touch it.

9 comments:

Dawn said...

My sons are grown now too. Where did the time go? How did I miss so much of it?

ARTISANNE said...

Hugs to you both, time to live your own life and have some fun :0)

High Desert Diva said...

Once chapter finished, another begins...

littlebrownpen said...

Thank you for posting this. I have two small boys (4 and 1), and some days I find myself clock watching just so I can have some "me" time. I know this time will go fast, but sometimes it is so hard to keep that in perspective when you are cleaning up cheerios, breaking up fights, repeating yourself over and over again, etc. I their childhood is so short and it should be cherished.

hockeychic said...

You know I'm having similar issues right now. My daughter is 12 and I just moved in with my boyfriend and his 14 year old son. My daughter and I were on our own for 8 years. All of sudden, she isn't right by me anymore. She'd rather spend time with the 14 year old doing computer stuff or reading a book in her room (she used to read next to me on the couch). I feel at a loss. Everyone keeps telling me it is normal and that this is healthy for her. I just feel broken hearted and a bit adrift. So I can relate to your feelings.

A big hug to you!

Brandon said...

**super big HUG**

I too have 2 boys 10 and 5. IT really does go so fast. And I wonder what will the future hold.

Remember when we were teenagers and we were in our own worlds. And we came out of it. They will too.

I must agree w/high desert diva, look at it as this will pass, and its time for me.

littlebrownpen said...

Thank you for posting this. I have two small boys (4 and 1), and some days I find myself clock watching just so I can have some "me" time. I know this time will go fast, but sometimes it is so hard to keep that in perspective when you are cleaning up cheerios, breaking up fights, repeating yourself over and over again, etc. I their childhood is so short and it should be cherished.

BaldyLocks said...

Yes, it's really hard to go from such closeness, to pain in the butt-ism.

Alissa said...

I can totally relate to your feeling of being lost right now...thank you for being so open with yourself.