I seem to be bottoming out emotionally. I'm just having a harder and harder time accepting my limitations.
I'm so frustrated with every facet of how my life is going. I did not see this as my future, my being too tired to work or even get the house cleaning done. I feel like part of me is crumbling.
I was 33 when I was diagnosed. I was just finishing a long battle to complete university with exceptional grades and was ready to kick off a fantastic career. I was ready!
Now I don't know what tomorrow will bring much less next year. I'm exhausted, can't seem to focus and I feel like a complete failure.
I am starting to wonder how I can continue like this. I am incredibly frustrated and unhappy and it seems to be drowning me.
Because I know I'm hitting such a low point means that I can take some action. I've always felt that there is an answer to every problem, you just have to explore and find it.
This is my action plan.
#1 is to make small exercise every day my #1 priority. I will go to my arthritic waterfit class twice a week and do the best I can. I will go for a walk, even if it is only around my block. Exercise is a definite mood lifter.
#2 I am going back to the Cancer Agency to talk to a counsellor.
#3 Reading about Lance Armstrong. He's hot, successful and he beat cancer to carry on an exceptional life.
I know I need help but I also know that I'm the only one here to do it. I'll get there.
*UPDATE: After cruising a cancer forum I remembered that coming off prednisone can cause depression as well as cause general emotional upheavals. DUH! This happened the last time I was taken off this drug and my doctor explained it all to me. Sometimes it's hard to remember all the side effects to all of my drugs. I've made an appointment to see my GP for this afternoon.