Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Amitriptyline Ass Kicking

Well, I've been taking the steps to get myself out of this bone marrow transplanted, DNA switched funk. I've gone to see my GP, been going faithfully to my waterfit class, am seeing a Cancer Agency counsellor and have been trying to be a wee bit more social and have been prescribed more DRUGS. What can I say? I'm a bit of a keener when I think something needs to be tackled. I'm also so freak'n sick of drugs, it's not funny. Now I have little yellow bundles of fan-fucking fantastic delight to add to my arsenal of medicinal bliss.

Just as recently as a few years ago I was a bit of a closeted purist when it came to putting weird things in my body. I never tried smoking and I never touched drugs. Some in highschool may have called me square. It sucks to be them...
but then again I guess now it sucks to be me.

After diagnosis it seems the floodgates have been burst open and the pink elephants have arrived in full fanfare. I was the girl sitting in her hospital bed questioning every pill that came my way. What is this? What is it for? What does it do? What side effects will it have? Do I have to take it? Are you sure I have to take it....really? I was a royal pain in the ass. I did this for quite some time before I realized that they were doing what they had to do for me and I couldn't question every drug they gave to me because it would eventually drive someone mad (probably them).

Next I was the girl with the button for a morphine drip that I refused to press. I had lousy side effects and begged to be put on something else. Then after the something else was worse, (hello big satanic green gorilla with red eyes outside my hospital bed window and flaming green chandeliers on the wall), I begged to be put back on the morphine (hello not knowing which was dream or reality and seeing people who weren't there).

Later I was the woman writhing in pain and begging for the intravenous morphine. At those special points the nurses would actually run to get it. Now I'm the woman who does what she is told and takes the godamned meds. This new one, though, is not agreeing with me. Hell, it's kicking my ass all over the place. The intent of the amitriptyline is to help me to get back into a normal sleeping cycle and to improve the quality of my life.

So far I feel much worse. I guess I'll be giving my GP a call in the morning.


Anonymous said...

There are no words to express my sympathy for what you're going through. But you sound like a hell of a fighter and that must count for something through all of this.
Keep fighting!

Ravenswick said...

I wish I could do or say something to make things better for you. Just hang in there and keep fighting. I don't blame you for hating all the meds. I think sometimes they are worse than the damn disease. I hope and pray you have better days ahead. Keep ranting too--it helps!

The Smiling Frog said...

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I don't blame you for questioning everything.

I had heart surgery when I was 10 and all of the pain meds made me see pink elephants and I refused to take them. I took tylenol and that was all and the pain was pretty bad.

So you feel different after having someone else's DNA? I had a blood transfusion and have felt different ever since. I think they have proved it alters you to get someone else's DNA.

I wish you the best of luck and keep fighting hard! Rant too, let it all out.

High Desert Diva said...

Ah hell....

My Inspired Reality said...

A big hug from me. My husband is battling cancer, so I am with you on this journey - it is no joy!! Fighthing is the only way:)

All Wired Up TOO said...

I'm GLAD you question what is this for? What are the side effects? Do I HAVE too??? An informed patient!
As for the rest damn! It SUCKS that you take really really great care of yourself and this happens!
Keep on fighting!

Grizzly Mountain Arts said...

I've been a lurker on your blog for a while now. I hope you know how much you are helping others by sharing your fears and victories. I recently underwent a lumbar puncture and while I was laying there wondered how you would have described that awful procedure :)

You might want to read up on Noritryptiline. It's in the same family as Amitriptyline but is working better for me. Where Ami would make me feel knocked out all day, Nori makes me feel like I have an enormous amount of energy. (I take it to prevent migraine). Noritryptiline is supposed to be taken at night like Amitrytiline but it makes me feel very wired when I take it then, so I take it after breakfast. The quality of my sleep has dramatically improved since beginning the Nori. It took about six weeks before the full effects were noticed.

I hope you are able to find something that works better for you.

**hugs** Jo

hockeychic said...

Well this just sucks. I'm sorry the medicine is making you feel worse. That's just not fair. I'm glad that you question and ask what things are, that is good.

Just keep on writing. We're here for you.

trinlayk said...

They game me amitrptyline to help me sleep. I'd take it in the evening, but after a couple weeks I was STILL trippy during the day.
My daughter kept asking "are you SURE you are ok to be driving..."

You have my empathy.

Anonymous said...

with family members who were heavier drug users than not and had to take medication once they got sick, the medication wasn't strong enough. so it is really great that you didn't do drugs and are cautious as to what goes into your body. It's only natural to ask questions. and, i think the next natural thing is to realize how much better it makes you feel. don't stop questioning, do what you need to do. as whimsical said, you sound like a hell of a fighter

Unknown said...

ah ha! i've been looking for this blog for about 2 months. i couldn't recall your username or link, but now i'm adding it to my blog roll so i'll have it.

wishing you all the best. and actually, i applaud you for being so suspicious of the drugs and asking questions.

Anonymous said...
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