I've lost my lustre. I feel like a shiny penny that's been left in a drainpipe.
I guess I shouldn't complain, my puffy head has gone down since last year, (see enclosed comparative photos), but I don't feel the same. I feel so tired inside and out. I've been trying to work on my physical strength but every time I look in the mirror, I still feel sad. Where did the last few years go and where the hell did all these wrinkles come from? It's like I just woke up and they were there. It's as if I look like I'm *gasp* middle aged! Before I was diagnosed people always thought I was about 24. I thought they were crazy but now I'm about ready to randomly pay people to tell me I look 30 or 24, or to tell me I'm not fading to grey. Speaking of, I did just have some random girl at a till, say, "Nice brows".
Okay, tangent over. Hitting middle age wouldn't be such a terrible thing because that would mean I'd live until I'm 72. Not too shabby! Thumbs up for 72!
My current look is not me. It's me that has been sick for a long time. I decided to spend more time on girly stuff and work on getting my pre-sick look back. I asked for a curling iron for Christmas and I got one! This is my first curling iron ever!!! Next I had my hair cut but I had a hard time getting the hairstylist to realize I wanted short bangs. I explained it over and over and asked her to cut them even shorter but she didn't. I also said I wanted to dye my hair black again and she asked me if that would be too extreme. Next I went to Mac makeup with a gift card I had received and was asking about colours. Again, she was showing me to the very subdued shades.
I feel like standing up on a soap box to start yelling, YES! This is what I want! I want to be extreme and vibrant and all the things I feel I should be! And I'm going to have to start cutting my own bangs again, dammit! It may be tragic but at least it will still be me! I also went out, bought and applied white nail polish. Why white? Because that is something I would do. Period.
So, after telling another mac makeup genius that I want to be dramatic, she helped me in a great way. I came home with lots of stuff that is really fun and makes me feel like a hottie again. I've been glitterized.
All my hair products were from before I went bald so they were old and had to be thrown out. Luckily I found the one product that makes my hair behave and got that for Christmas! Score!
Next on my list of self discovering my outer hotness, I am going to see a dentist for a full cleaning. I haven't have a proper dental appointment since the, you know what. Recent cancer dentist appointments have been to look for evidence of Graft/vs/Host in my mouth. My teeth need some serious TLC. They need a good buff and shine.
I need buffing in other areas too, but that's a whole other blog post.
Happy New Year!