Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Search for My Outer Hotness

I've lost my lustre. I feel like a shiny penny that's been left in a drainpipe.

I guess I shouldn't complain, my puffy head has gone down since last year, (see enclosed comparative photos), but I don't feel the same. I feel so tired inside and out. I've been trying to work on my physical strength but every time I look in the mirror, I still feel sad. Where did the last few years go and where the hell did all these wrinkles come from? It's like I just woke up and they were there. It's as if I look like I'm *gasp* middle aged! Before I was diagnosed people always thought I was about 24. I thought they were crazy but now I'm about ready to randomly pay people to tell me I look 30 or 24, or to tell me I'm not fading to grey. Speaking of, I did just have some random girl at a till, say, "Nice brows".

Okay, tangent over. Hitting middle age wouldn't be such a terrible thing because that would mean I'd live until I'm 72. Not too shabby! Thumbs up for 72!

My current look is not me. It's me that has been sick for a long time. I decided to spend more time on girly stuff and work on getting my pre-sick look back. I asked for a curling iron for Christmas and I got one! This is my first curling iron ever!!! Next I had my hair cut but I had a hard time getting the hairstylist to realize I wanted short bangs. I explained it over and over and asked her to cut them even shorter but she didn't. I also said I wanted to dye my hair black again and she asked me if that would be too extreme. Next I went to Mac makeup with a gift card I had received and was asking about colours. Again, she was showing me to the very subdued shades.

I feel like standing up on a soap box to start yelling, YES! This is what I want! I want to be extreme and vibrant and all the things I feel I should be! And I'm going to have to start cutting my own bangs again, dammit! It may be tragic but at least it will still be me! I also went out, bought and applied white nail polish. Why white? Because that is something I would do. Period.

So, after telling another mac makeup genius that I want to be dramatic, she helped me in a great way. I came home with lots of stuff that is really fun and makes me feel like a hottie again. I've been glitterized.

All my hair products were from before I went bald so they were old and had to be thrown out. Luckily I found the one product that makes my hair behave and got that for Christmas! Score!

Next on my list of self discovering my outer hotness, I am going to see a dentist for a full cleaning. I haven't have a proper dental appointment since the, you know what. Recent cancer dentist appointments have been to look for evidence of Graft/vs/Host in my mouth. My teeth need some serious TLC. They need a good buff and shine.

I need buffing in other areas too, but that's a whole other blog post.

Happy New Year!


High Desert Diva said...

I think I need to join you on the quest for outer hotness. I keep getting ma'am-ed. Makes me feel very old.

Mac make-up, huh? Hmmmm....

(Your two photos are very dramatic, btw...yay for Prednisone (sp?) going bye-bye!)

Anonymous said...

I got you beat on the dentist thing - I've never been to one, ever :D (that's my toothless smile! j/k)

Catherine Chandler said...

You're looking great, and that's fantastic that you were able to go get some things to help you get back to who you are.

Kelly Kane said...

I think you look fabulous!

Anonymous said...

Ich sehe ein schönes Gesicht, daß Wärme und Charakter ausstrahlt.
Ihre Frisur wirkt frisch.
Ein glückliches neues Jahr!

(I see a beautiful face that radiates warmth and character. Your hairstyle looks fresh.
A happy new year.)


hockeychic said...

Good for you for getting new makeup and things that will help you feel more vibrant.

Wishing you a good 2009 with lots of good health and happiness.

Evelin said...

Happy New Year!

Everyone gives me very nude make-up too... -.-" Even times when I wanted dramatic..

But I just want to say that you look great :) Especially with shoulder length hair :)

Captain Skulduggery Dug said...

Jon says that he thinks you are hot! He also hastily, and rather nervously, said that of course I am a little hotter though. Good thing really otherwise I'd give him a clip round the ear for looking at other women! :oD

We both want to wish you all the very best for the new year, and we hope you are well on your way to a full recovery!

Charlotte said...

You see, I'm 34 (nearly 35) and I feel as though I've very suddenly gone all wrinkly!!! My worst fears were confirmed when I was ill before Christmas and amongst other comments I was told I looked gaunt, like 'death warmed up' - and I was mistaken for being late 30s!!!(Grrrr!)
I've got my 'va va voom' back now thankfully. Helped along by a bit of girly shopping and freshly died hair! Not to sound glib or in any way under-etimate what you've been through healthwise (- or how you feel right now), but I think you look really cool and IN NO WAY middle-aged! Go girl, your 'outer hotness' is not too far away!
All the best for a healthy 2009! xxxx

High Desert Diva said...

Ok re: the comment on my blog... spill...
you changed your name?!!!

Cecile/DreamCreateRepeat said...

(Visiting by way of High Desert Diva)

I think you are well on your way to re-establishing your outer hotness....what a difference in the photos.

Good for you for going after the authentic you. And thanks for sharing. My sister-in-law is a breast cancer survivor and she is not sporting the most vibrant red "do" you can imagine. She has always expressed herself through clothing and exterior embellishments, and I think I understand her hair choice a little better now!

Wishing you much health and vigor in the New Year.

gemmak said...

Don't those advisor types drive you nuts....every time I go the the hair salon I have to keep re-iterating that when I say short I mean short....anything mildly outside of their little 'box' and they are immediately stumped! ;o)

Incidentally, you look pretty cool to me already :o)