Spent yesterday struggling with not trying to feel like I should throw myself into a volcano to appease the angry and vengeful Gods (I must have really pissed them off). I tried really hard but was not successful. I tried treating myself right by going for a long walk downtown and having a mocha and an artichoke panini. I know that's just spending more money but I was on the edge of thinking, "what the fuck, I might as well give up now". Not a nice place to be. Sitting there in a place with other people soothed my nerves, especially the couple sitting beside me having a very tense and uncomfortable discussion. I thought one might snap and swing a chair in a full out brawl but it just stayed tense. Gave me the perspective that my $300 thrown into the endless money pit wasn't the same as house purchasing money problems.
Please excuse me for eavesdropping. It was tight quarters where I was sitting and they were practically on top of me.
I came home dejected. Later I took my hoop to the local school which is the hub for all the neighborhood activity and practiced some things I can't do in my livingroom. It was weird having people watch me. Then lay in bed, with no car insurance and could't fall asleep until 2:00am.
Today I didn't get up until noon, thinking, "Why bother?" and with this cold nagging at me. Waking up feeling like life is worthless is a shitty way to start the day.
The day before the $300 incident I had gotten up the gumption to repurchase Word for my computer. It had been lost when my computer crashed a few months ago and I have been suffering without it. I realize I could have used another program that's cheaper or free but my life has lost so much of it's familiarity that I couldn't really function without it. Word for mac is what I know. Uber bad timing, though.
So today after dragging around and having my morning, make that afternoon tea, I plugged in my laptop and opened Word in case I felt like jotting something down while I was doing the mountain of dirty dishes in my kitchen.
I typed out my heading for my new writing project, to be announced, and started jotting down all the ideas rolling around in my head. One idea led to another and I suddenly felt like fresh air had been given back to me. Having Word feels like having my arm sewn back on again. I cranked on an old song and danced shamelessly and nerdy-like around the kitchen.
Sometimes giving yourself the permission to revel in self pity leads to wonderful things that lay on the other side. My bad day has been most excellent, to quote Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Even the rain isn't bothering me.