I did my 10 minute walk today, over to the hospital lab to get my bloodwork done for the 372 thousandth time. Again, I saw someone new and again I asked for it to be taken in an alternate location to save my veins. I refrained from giving the same old stupid, lame, "so I won't look like a heroin addict", joke.
Lab Tech: Her mind boggles and she says, "Well where in the heck DO you want me to take it from then?"
Me: I pointed again to the crook of my arms where most bloodwork is done on most people and stated again, "Anywhere but here".
Lab Tech: "Okaaaaaay." and for the millionth billionth time I hear, "You don't want it in your hands do you? That reeeeaally hurts".
Me: "Well maybe you've only ever taken blood from WHINY CRYBABIES before?"
or "Well, you've obviously never met me before. I eat pain for breakfast, honey"
or "When faced with this amount of impending agony, I just ask myself, what would Chuck Norris do?"
Lab Tech: Oblivious to my inner monologue, "I've never met anyone who's ever asked to have it done in their hand before because it hurts soooo much"
Me: "Well, I'm training to be on Survivor"
Me: In my outside voice, "I've been having this done for three years. It's really not a big deal", and begin to tell her the details of what works best where, to get blood out of me. I then tell her I've just graduated down to once a month blood work rather than every two weeks.
She laughs! Figures someone would finally laugh when I don't give my usual dry joke.
She then proceeds to strangle my hand with the big blue elastic and braces me for it, "Ready???????? Little poke", which I always swallow and sigh thinking, "Gimme-a-break"
I suppose at that point I could have said, "Actually, I'm a fainter"
I think next time when I hear the same things said again for the 40 bazzillionth time I'll say,
"No problem, I'm a masochist and I quite enjoy it, do you freelance?"