Saturday, August 14, 2010
Pain & Fear
Here I go again,
My pain free days are good days and ones I take (very deservedly) for granted. I've begun to journal my pain levels because I have a very high tolerance and a very short memory when it comes to pain.
I find it tends to sift into my consciousness and then out again as if it never happened, although I always know a pain free day when I see it.
Sometimes it's my gut, sometimes it's my muscles, sometimes it's some heinous menopause symptoms and sometimes it's my prednisone induced arthritis.
My joints ache and bother me like I'm twice my age and it can be uncomfortable at the best of times. The cold seems to be the worst for it and my joints stiffen like I've been hit with a freeze ray gun (how cool would that be?) When it's at it's worst I can usually slide into a hot bath and the heat soothes it. At the recommendation of my pharmacist I've been taking fish oil pills but the pain is getting steadily worse.
I've noticed that my right hip gets hit the worst. Sometimes it feels so bad that it seems like a whole other pain. It feels like it is deep within the bone and the pain radiates down my leg.
It's getting worse despite the fact that the weather is getting hotter and hotter. My mother commented on how strange that is because it's been so warm. Last year the summer gave me several months reprieve with little to no arthritis so what's up now?
I've started taking Tylenol and that doesn't even take the edge off. Yesterday I started to become concerned but it's Friday and my doctors office is closed until Monday. Now that the pain is in the forefront of my thoughts I'm getting downright scared. The pain in my hand has become a stabbing one and my fingers are going numb. I am unable to function or get anything done. Holding a pen sends a stabbing sensation. My eyes are so dry that this extra heat makes them feel like they have been burnt.
Unfortunately long term, high dose use of predisone can cause something else that's a lot worse...
Avascular necrosis. It's bone death. It tends to happen in hip joints and leads to bone destruction and eventually needing a hip replacement. The fact that I even have something like this to be scared about just boggles my mind. I'm only thirty fucking seven.
I used to be a runner. I was a healthy eater, I never smoked, did drugs or drank alcohol. I cleaned my home with natural cleaners. I exercised every day and lived a healthful life. What the hell happened?
NO FUCKING WAY.
Anyway, despite all that, here I am. This is my life and this is what there is to deal with. Suck it up as usual, shove the fear away and make sure I get into my doctor office ASAP.