That sums up how I've been feeling. I'm really looking forward to my MRI, I'm also hoping it's just a hairline fracture. I said that to someone today and realized how absurd that sounds, hoping that my hip has a fracture. It's seriously better than the alternatives, though.
So, as pumped as I am about getting the MRI, it really sucks that it's on my birthday. Why can't they leave my birthday alone! It's been 4 years since I had a non medically infringed upon birthday.
I'm so very grateful that it's getting done but the constant pain is a lot to deal with. Sorry I haven't been overly responsive to the comments the last little bit. I'm just barely keeping it together at times.
The stress I'm having about my hip unfortunately sets off hot flashes from the chemotherapy induced menopause and the stress also makes the graft/vs/host flare which makes the stress worse. I can actually feel my entire emotional and physical being, simultaneously combusting. I'm such a bundle of fun.
Currently I am plotting to have a gang buster year with my hip if it's suffering the slow death. I'm likely (hopefully) jumping the gun thinking about needing a hip replacement at this point but this pain is just so deep and constant. It makes it hard to concentrate, walk, sleep, drive or sit. But pain or no pain, if it's avascular necrosis, my hip and I are going to go dancing, bike riding and anything else I can think of that my hip would like to do before it dies.
Let's just say my hip would probably have a bucket list if it knew it's days were cut short, it's certainly not going without a fight.
As terrible as the news would be, and if there is nothing that can be done, might as well make it a sweet ride going down.