So I had my birthday, (yay!) but had an MRI first thing on my birthday morning (sucky) and generally my birthday rolled by not feeling at all like a birthday. I don't know the last time I had a medical appointment free birthday. Because of the overwhelming pain in my hip I stopped doing any activity and the pain went down. I managed to walk 10 minutes after my MRI and ended up in a bit of pain from it but not as bad as usual.
I kept off my hip and then after a few weeks the pain went away. Within that time I had gone into a thrift store and contemplated buying a set of crutches but decided to wait until I had the MRI. By the next week the pain was almost completely gone.
They stuffed me into the giant machine and played ABBA for me while the imaging was taking place.
Here is my fancy 'before' picture with me in the hospital robe.She put me on the narrow little bed and it moved into place and then I was raised so that my nose was inches from the top of the inside. She put the headphones on me and told me it wouldn't be a long one, just 20 minutes. For the first time in my life I panicked. I pulled off my headphones to call out that I was feeling claustrophobic but it turned out she had been walking into the booth and didn't hear me. I calmed down and popped the headphones back on and stayed as still as possible. I missed her instructions that she had relayed to me over the headphones but I was glad that she missed my little panic episode.
I'm not really sure what came over me, I think I've just filled my personal lifetime quota for being in large machines, getting my insides looked at. This has just been enough already. When I headed home, trying to not let the stress overtake me, I wandered through the neighborhood coffee house. I'm not a coffee drinker but I felt like I needed a distraction.
This particular coffee shop has a really nice, bubbly girl in there who seems to remember me for some reason. I went in, made my order and she asked me about my day. I told her it was my birthday AND my MRI day. She happily made my iced mocha (with a shot of hazelnut) and told me it was a gift.
I can't tell you how much that meant to me on that lonely morning. I had the weight of wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I had to wait 4 days for the results. As I was in that machine, feeling the humming and sound vibrations going through my hip, I kept saying, "Please find out what's wrong, please see what's wrong, please see what's wrong", to myself or maybe to the machine.
On the Friday at my oncology appointment I was told they saw nothing but a healthy hip. The relief washed over me at the same time as, 'what the hell?'. Add a little dash of, am I crazy? and that was my initial feelings of finding out my hip was in tact.
This doctor was not the one who I saw last time and she ran through all the same questions that the last one did. After some thinking, she suggested it may be a pinched nerve in my back. I thought that was ludicrous that that much pain could come from a pinched nerve but then I got to thinking. My uber healthy/active/young grandmother has been laid out with a nerve problem in her back. And truthfully, I can't really tell what the pain is. It feels deep within my hip but it also radiates down my leg and sometimes into the knee.
I was given a requisition to have my back x-rayed but I tossed it. I have been poked and prodded to no end. My back has been x-rayed more times than I can count when the doctors were unable to give me lumbar punctures. Each subsequent lumbar puncture was done with a series of x-rays. I've had enough. I have done everything my doctors have asked and I will get that next x-ray if they insist.
At the moment the pain is gone (whoohoo!) but I also haven't been walking or exercising at all which is terribly, terribly bad. I had a good week and a half until another wave of fatigue hit me and now I have the flu. I'm starting to feel very down about my prospects at building a normal life.
Halloween is my favourite day of the year and I wasn't able to go out. After 4 years I wonder if this cycle will ever end.
Well, after writing this depressing post I'm going to take this sad sick body out for a walk in the sunshine.
13 comments:
I really love the honesty of your blog. Read this article this a.m. and thought you might like it. Beautiful piece IMHO.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-kerr/post_1168_b_777279.html
What an incredibly beautiful article, thank you so much for sharing that. I love how he describes the cancer treatment as a 'scorched Earth regimen' and everything he has to say about his wife... beautiful.
It is rare to hear from the partner or caregiver's perspective, how they grapple with powerlessness and loss of control over what is happening to their loved one. I wish that article had been longer.
WRT your hip pain ... here's another thing to consider ... perhaps you need to work on your core body muscles, and stretch. You were very inactive for a long time ... perhaps some of those core muscles you don't usually think too much about need to be built up again. I've personally found physiotherapists useful for things like that.
I wish I could afford a physio. I think that would be the best thing for me. I've done a lot of core strengthening but last year when I caught the H1N1 it knocked me for a loop and it took months and months to recover.
It's hard to start building back up because after every set back, I have to start from the beginning again. I feel like I'm cycling through all the hard parts and then having to do them all again.
I really hope I get somewhere.
I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that nothing sinister has been found on the scan.
But back/joint pain is something I can totally relate to....it's debilitating, frustrating and exhausting.
I happened upon this site ......
http://www.jointagecalculator.co.uk/12-week-challenge/introduction
If nothing else I found the info posted by the Osteopath helpful..... it is free to sign up and over the course you will be emailed 12 short weekly videos recommending different stretches to help release stiffness etc.
I am going to give it a try, maybe it's something worth trying. Its free, and can be done in the comfort of your own home.
Maybe we could compare notes ? :O)
Take care
xxx
(PS deleted previous post as link did not work, hopefully this one will)
I'm sorry I left posting about it for so long, Dawny. The loss of my friend really threw me for a loop as well as being sick.... and today I am even sicker.
Off to the Dr. for me.
Phew. I'm glad your hip is fine. But this damn flu. I hope you feel well again soon.
I'm so glad there is nothing in your hip. Nerve pain is really bizarre. I had all this pain in my left calf and it was so painful, I could barely walk. I had to go to the emergency room and they thought it might be a blood clot so they did an ultrasound and everything was fine. They were stumped. I went to my acupuncturist and she asked if they checked my back and I said "no" and she gently patted a place in my back and it was really tender. She did some work on it and leg pain went away.
I know that finances are tight for you so acupuncture may be out of the question but maybe a massage or something?
Chronic pain and nerve pain is so hard to deal with. I just want some relief for you.
I should go for some massage therapy if this flu ever goes away. It's been really helpful in the past.
I am glad you hip is not as serious as it could have been. In fact, I am really glad. I know all this seems interminable. I have had my share of MRI's, PET scans, etc. and my guess is that your meltdown was because you have just had too much of this. I will really hope for a birthday for you that is medical appointment-less, one filled with no pain and just lots of hugs. I think you are really strong and I admire that.
I'm so glad your hip is good. I check in, even if I rarely post!
I too, have had my share of pokes, prods, and scans ( yay asthma and such) and I've thrown away my share of requisitions, especially ones that seem more frivolous.
I do have hip issues from the prednisone as well, ( tendonitis and bursitis in my shoulders and knees and hip joints). When I was young all they had to treat me with was great lashings of the stuff.
Icing works, well, for stuff you can ice! a cross country trip on a train (inactivity)...that was the worst.
I had a CT scan a couple weeks ago for my sinuses and even tho its much less claustrophobic than an MRI, I had a moment of panic and "please have the right settings, don't laser my head off!"
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