Thursday, November 10, 2011

Still Struggling

I can't believe I'm still struggling. Things are going so well, yet it doesn't take much for a complete setback. I guess it's not a complete setback but it sure feels like it.

I had my flu shot a couple of weeks ago but before it could kick in my son had bronchitis and gave it to me. I'm pretty good at avoiding illnesses that pass through the house but this one caught me. I lost my voice for 6 days and had the worst sore throat. I went off to a clinic and then a few days after that my Dr. They swabbed me for strep but I guess it turned out to be viral rather than bacterial. I have been immobile for a week. Partway through after being on penicillin for a few days without improvement I started to get scared. Not much scares me but my mind does wonder when I get bruises.

I never had bruises even though they are the most common symptom of leukemia. So when I get them they make me wonder. Unfortunately being sick this week has paralleled my experience of when I was diagnosed and almost died. I found myself keeping my phone with me in bed in case I couldn't get up and needed to call for help. I even felt afraid that I might die in the night. I'm sure all those that have had cancer can relate to what I'm saying. What seems on the outside to be an irrational fear, becomes very plausible in a post cancer reality. This last week has been too, too similar to what was almost my very last week.

So I was able to tell my Dr. my fear and she helped assure me that it's most likely a flu.

So now that I've survived the week, I feel tired because I know what comes now. It's hard to get my body back to being like it was after even a week of being sick. It's always uphill. Why are things always up hill these days? So yesterday I managed to wash my hair. Today I managed to get dressed and I'm hoping to make it out of the house for a walk. At times like this I want to run but I'm back to baby steps. God I hate baby steps.


Dawny said...

Oh I am so so sorry you have been struck down with a virus :0(.

I hope you start to build your strength very soon. Baby steps I guess are better than none at all....

Willing you back to better health


BaldyLocks said...

Thanks Dawny :) I'm already feeling quite a bit better.

Chris M. said...

Only just seen this and then read your post about the mountain.

I'm sorry you had a setback with the virus, strange thing is I had a virus for over two weeks after Christmas and felt really ill!

Glad you're feeling better and that you made it up the mountain, the views are fantastic.

Take care. xxx