So what I'm learning is, there are a lot of nice people around. I'm also being reminded that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to others. Couple that with the newness of my job and I feel pretty stressed in general. Thank goodness Spring is coming. Each sunny day I feel a little more energised.
I still need to figure out how to take care of myself. I'm still trying to build a new life and get out of this bubble. I'm afraid of illness, germs, people, loss and about me being broken in general. There is a deep seeded fear that no one will ever want me.
I thought after my bone marrow transplant I would one day get better and walk away from it all. Now I know that it's embedded in me forever. As an artist I can see good things in that, I can take my experiences and create with them.
Now I need to let people back in my life. I've always kept such a distance from people, I would never tell them anything about myself. I had a deep line drawn in the sand around me. I hope I can let that go and invite someone in.