For a brief period I was able to shed my life and not acknowledge the fact that I must be back by Tuesday to have my bloodwork taken and have a new ECG so they can put me on a new medication. I was able to pass the highway that leads to all of my doctors appointments and keep going. I was able to pass all of my specialists and not have to go in. I've had such a deep need to escape for so long. Running away worked for a brief period of time but I had to come back.
Truthfully, I could have stayed at the lake and become a lake person. I grew up around the ocean and swimming in rivers. The water is such a healing influence for me.
As a child I could stay under the water for so long that I though I could almost become one of the river creatures. Despite all my trying, I became a land creature instead. Now I walk the beaches.
This trip revealed a lot of things to me, not all of it nice. I feel as lost as ever about my life and what has happened to it.
I am nowhere that I want to be.
