X-Ray Vision

I wish (I had x-ray vision).



I had a hip x-ray on the 16th and my GP called. She's anxious for me to get further testing done. The x-ray looks fine but because of the pain we know there is a problem. The next step is to have an MRI and have me see a specialist so she can make sure there are no lesions (aka cancer) or avascular necrosis (aka bone death).

I hesitated on contacting my oncologist who is the Grand Poohbah of my medical world. I just gave myself a big week or so long, holding-my-breath-sigh. Now I'm back on track with my medical self.

Fun stuff. Isn't everything supposed to be getting better? It seems I'm often in a state of medical limbo, waiting for my body to take each baby step to health.

This stuff always reminds me of how important it is not to wait or only live your life for tomorrow. "I'll get a job I enjoy later", "I'll take that vacation next year", "When the kids are out of the house I might try painting", "When I retire I'll have a good time then".

A person can drown in the work and preparation for the future when you expect to finally reap the rewards. With that mentality people crack under the stress and have early, mid and late life crisis's. Not to be morbid but how do we really know there will be a tomorrow? Or if we will even have tomorrow what we have today?

Today we know for sure that there is a ground beneath our feet and that the bees are buzzing or the river flowing. We know if the sunshine is on our backs or if we have someone who loves us.

Tomorrow is just a concept.

Today is our reality. The last few years have been my crash course in living it. So far I can't count on tomorrow so I will live in today.

X-ray

So I've heard it from a doctors lips, they need to do x-rays on my hip and then possibly other scans to find out if it's avascular necrosis. Something scared inside of me says it is.

I had to see a walk in clinic doctor who doesn't know the specifics about me like my specialized doctors do. He thinks it's possible to get graft/vs/host in the joints which I have never even heard of. When I go to walk in clinic doctors offices I have to bite my lip from complaining but to be fair they usually only see people for cuts bruises and colds. I am a whole other animal.

I hope I'm just panicking and that it's just arthritis. Funny now I'd be happy with just arthritis when a week ago I cursed it.

I called the Vancouver BMT unit where they are always available to help a bone marrow transplant patient. They hauled out my chart (which is likely the size and weight of a small bus) and the triage nurse is going to get back to me.

Ok, just spoke to the nurse who consulted with the doctors and they have a plan for me to get this checked out. I've calmed down and am heading out for an X-ray. Keep your fingers crossed for me that it's nothing serious.