Friday, March 28, 2008

Ouch Fest

Pain is a bitch. I have a very high pain tolerance and pain seems to be my shadow these days. So I'm not always good at assessing 'normal' levels vs 'get your ass to the Dr', levels. A couple of days ago I was getting suspicious and made a doctors appointment. By yesterday morning I was SO glad to be going and by the time I was there, I was going to the mental, pain zone. I find a certain level of pain puts you into another mind state which makes it more difficult to interact with the outside world. (Feeling like vomiting from pain is another sure fire way to know when it's too much).

Just before my diagnosis two years ago, I went to emergency with what I thought was strep and there was another woman there in the waiting room with insanely severe back pain. She would quietly shudder with pain and I felt very badly for her. In cases like this I usually would let her go ahead but this time was different. I would have clawed my way right over her to get in if I had to. Once a certain threshold has been passed, all bets are off. I never would have known this had I not experienced it.

So, anyway, I'm not sure what's going on with me now. Extra strength Tylenol seems to be taking the edge off of it. I've also been given preemptive antibiotics even though they don't know what's going on yet.

About 6 months ago something similar happened and I was on morphine for a while and almost hospitalized. My kidneys were bleeding etc. I sure hope that's not happening now. They've planned an ultrasound but it's not for two weeks. I know if I called my oncologist, she would get me in right away. It's also Friday and my doctors won't be available again until Monday.

I feel like a cat licking it's wounds right now.


Skully said...

Pain is a strange beast.A long time ago I went on a pain management course that managed to teach me coping mechanisms so I could drop my pain meds by 3/4. It works most of the time, but even now there are days when that doesn't work at all and the pain gets to the stage where I just want to die. It has a lot to do with my mental state at the time. The mechanisms only work for me if I have a positive state of mind.

I really hope that they find out fast what is causing your pain and that it is easily fixable. Keep telling them and nagging them so they bring forward the scan. Try not to get down about it because it only makes the pain feel more intense. Watch a whole bunch of comedies online or the TV. Laughter kicks pain in the bollocks better than anything I know.

High Desert Diva said...

Well shit.

I agree with what skully said...nag, call your oncologist, get in and get the test done. 2 weeks is bull.

Moonchild Dancing! said...

All I know is I hope that you feel better really soon. It sucks! You shouldn't have to wait 2 weeks.. squeaky wheel gets the grease someone once told me.

BaldyLocks said...

Skully, just reading you mention laughter made me laugh, and it hurt! It does help it ease up when you're having fun and feeling that glow inside.

Now I'll just have to lay here again, plotting on how I'll take over the world.

trinlayk said...

Yeah nag that oncologist.

I have fibromyalgia, sometimes the thing with chronic pain, is that sometimes some new "different" pain starts and one hardly notices it... because all the "old usual pain" is in the way.

Sending you happy healing thoughts and a virtual hug.

lavinia hanachiuc said...

I can't say anything which does not sound like a stupid cliche.
I'll be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 16. Never sick before that, a perfectly healthy cheerleader, runner and all around trouble maker. On the last day of school a friend's mom took a bunch of us out for ice cream. We sang all the way there to some song on the radio. I felt fine. In line at the ice cream stand I started feeling dizzy. I passed out before I had the chance to say I felt ill. I woke up in the hospital with such a sore throat. It was almost swollen shut. I heard the doctor say it was probably mono. It wasn't. Life as I knew it was taken from me in the blink of an eye. I missed an entire year of school. I kept a journal. I painted. I wanted to die. I wanted to live. Friends came to visit. I wanted to be like them ... out having fun. I finally got back to school, first only in the mornings. Gradually all day. I graduated with my class. I weighed 91 pounds. I graduated in the top ten of my class. When I walked across the stage, my classmates jumped to their feet in applause, hoots and howls. Everyone cried. I was given a 25-percent chance of survival. I was given my last rites three times.
I went to college. I graduated but not without two scares, both times I felt worse than the first time.
I became allergic to almost every antibiotic I was given. I look like a junkie from all the B-21 shots.
I'm 45 now. It's been almost 30 years. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes it feels like it was another life time.
Through it all a very wise woman (my gandma) told me worrying won't change anything but positive thinking will. She was right.
didn't mean to ramble but I remember the scares and the doubts and the wondering ...

Michelle said...

Hi hon! I am thinking about you and sending you positive healing great vibes! You are great!!