I'm very inspired by hooping videos but so far this one is my favourite. The melding of all the Alice imagery with the fire hooping is stunning and intriguing, especially with the music that goes with it. Wonderful! This is just wonderful!
I recommend hitting the full screen option.
Showing posts with label hoop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hoop. Show all posts
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Flip Side of The Series of Unfortunate Events
Spent yesterday struggling with not trying to feel like I should throw myself into a volcano to appease the angry and vengeful Gods (I must have really pissed them off). I tried really hard but was not successful. I tried treating myself right by going for a long walk downtown and having a mocha and an artichoke panini. I know that's just spending more money but I was on the edge of thinking, "what the fuck, I might as well give up now". Not a nice place to be. Sitting there in a place with other people soothed my nerves, especially the couple sitting beside me having a very tense and uncomfortable discussion. I thought one might snap and swing a chair in a full out brawl but it just stayed tense. Gave me the perspective that my $300 thrown into the endless money pit wasn't the same as house purchasing money problems.
Please excuse me for eavesdropping. It was tight quarters where I was sitting and they were practically on top of me.
I came home dejected. Later I took my hoop to the local school which is the hub for all the neighborhood activity and practiced some things I can't do in my livingroom. It was weird having people watch me. Then lay in bed, with no car insurance and could't fall asleep until 2:00am.
Today I didn't get up until noon, thinking, "Why bother?" and with this cold nagging at me. Waking up feeling like life is worthless is a shitty way to start the day.
The day before the $300 incident I had gotten up the gumption to repurchase Word for my computer. It had been lost when my computer crashed a few months ago and I have been suffering without it. I realize I could have used another program that's cheaper or free but my life has lost so much of it's familiarity that I couldn't really function without it. Word for mac is what I know. Uber bad timing, though.
So today after dragging around and having my morning, make that afternoon tea, I plugged in my laptop and opened Word in case I felt like jotting something down while I was doing the mountain of dirty dishes in my kitchen.
I typed out my heading for my new writing project, to be announced, and started jotting down all the ideas rolling around in my head. One idea led to another and I suddenly felt like fresh air had been given back to me. Having Word feels like having my arm sewn back on again. I cranked on an old song and danced shamelessly and nerdy-like around the kitchen.
Sometimes giving yourself the permission to revel in self pity leads to wonderful things that lay on the other side. My bad day has been most excellent, to quote Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Even the rain isn't bothering me.
Please excuse me for eavesdropping. It was tight quarters where I was sitting and they were practically on top of me.
I came home dejected. Later I took my hoop to the local school which is the hub for all the neighborhood activity and practiced some things I can't do in my livingroom. It was weird having people watch me. Then lay in bed, with no car insurance and could't fall asleep until 2:00am.
Today I didn't get up until noon, thinking, "Why bother?" and with this cold nagging at me. Waking up feeling like life is worthless is a shitty way to start the day.
The day before the $300 incident I had gotten up the gumption to repurchase Word for my computer. It had been lost when my computer crashed a few months ago and I have been suffering without it. I realize I could have used another program that's cheaper or free but my life has lost so much of it's familiarity that I couldn't really function without it. Word for mac is what I know. Uber bad timing, though.
So today after dragging around and having my morning, make that afternoon tea, I plugged in my laptop and opened Word in case I felt like jotting something down while I was doing the mountain of dirty dishes in my kitchen.
I typed out my heading for my new writing project, to be announced, and started jotting down all the ideas rolling around in my head. One idea led to another and I suddenly felt like fresh air had been given back to me. Having Word feels like having my arm sewn back on again. I cranked on an old song and danced shamelessly and nerdy-like around the kitchen.
Sometimes giving yourself the permission to revel in self pity leads to wonderful things that lay on the other side. My bad day has been most excellent, to quote Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Even the rain isn't bothering me.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Burst!
The psychology of the mind is a fascinating thing. I just walked in my door after having a tooth fixed and paying $200 for it on my credit card. Two hundred dollars I don't have, that is.
As I came in I checked my mail and found a vintage pattern which I'd ordered off of Etsy. I opened it, cranked up the radio and danced and jumped all around the house. I had an actual, %100 real burst of energy! I did kind of a dancy jumping jack and spun my hoop around and basically jumped and jumped to the music.
Getting a burst of energy wouldn't be so remarkable if it wasn't the first one I've had in about 4 years. I'm excited! I'm excited about being excited and excited about having an outpouring of bouncy energy! How exciting.
Sigh. I'm so happy I could be dancing on rainbows and unicorns. I know that sounds crazy but I do. I made some tea, grabbed my sketchbook and began scribbling all of my crazy ideas.
I've been having such a hard time because of the sleep medication switching and all of August has been a bust (not a burst). What a waste of a perfectly good summer. It's all in the name of moving forward, though. I hope this new feeling is signifying a turning of a corner. If it is then I will call this forever more the Turning the Corner Day.
Of course it's a lot more reasonable to assume that I will continue to get better in an ebb and flow. I always think of healing, emotional or physical like the tides of the ocean. Even when the tide is coming in, the waves lap forward and back again. Relapsing is all part of getting better, it will pass.
Somehow in the last couple of days I've had a breakthrough of sorts. The last several weeks have been so sad for me as I wait to get functioning again. The first few weeks of the medication switching left me waking up in the morning and not being able to move all day. Not being able to do the housework, not being able to lift the hoop. I was winded from getting up off the couch or bed. Lethargy is so unnatural for me but has been my prison for over 3 years.
I have felt like my mental wheels are spinning but not gaining any traction. I have a mounting list of things I want to do, life is waiting for me to get up off my ass! I have artistic projects I want to get to, paintings that need to be done and ideas begging to be realized. All I could think of was that they will never get done. Ever.
Failure is my new reality.
I've been feeling depressed and had ugly new feelings of envy and severe loss. I've never felt envious of anyone before.
I think I've gotten through the things I have in my life because I always take a good hard look at negative feelings and try and find the source. Being overwhelmed, anger, fear, depression are all good feelings because they are big signs that are telling you something is wrong. Well, for me anyway. A friend of mine confirmed this belief when I mentioned the strangeness of feeling envious of others. She said, envy is like a map, which really lines up with the ideas in my own personal coping strategies.
I can usually sort my way out of the things that are causing me to feel whatever crappy emotion that's plaguing me. I posted on a forum about feeling like my life is weirdly empty, mostly so I could see it myself. I chatted with a couple of people and had an Oprah, Aha moment. It suddenly became clear what I need to do.
I need to be around others who are creating and instead of telling myself that I have too many ideas and I could never possibly do them, I just said yes. I want to sew some clothes but don't have a sewing machine, that's okay, I'll borrow one. I want to make some things out of wood, go for it. I want to jump off a cliff into the river, of course! I want to paint, yes, yes, yes yes yes.
I am being so much kinder to myself by saying yes. Next thing you know I am dancing around the house!
FLASHDANCE!
As I came in I checked my mail and found a vintage pattern which I'd ordered off of Etsy. I opened it, cranked up the radio and danced and jumped all around the house. I had an actual, %100 real burst of energy! I did kind of a dancy jumping jack and spun my hoop around and basically jumped and jumped to the music.
Getting a burst of energy wouldn't be so remarkable if it wasn't the first one I've had in about 4 years. I'm excited! I'm excited about being excited and excited about having an outpouring of bouncy energy! How exciting.
Sigh. I'm so happy I could be dancing on rainbows and unicorns. I know that sounds crazy but I do. I made some tea, grabbed my sketchbook and began scribbling all of my crazy ideas.
I've been having such a hard time because of the sleep medication switching and all of August has been a bust (not a burst). What a waste of a perfectly good summer. It's all in the name of moving forward, though. I hope this new feeling is signifying a turning of a corner. If it is then I will call this forever more the Turning the Corner Day.
Of course it's a lot more reasonable to assume that I will continue to get better in an ebb and flow. I always think of healing, emotional or physical like the tides of the ocean. Even when the tide is coming in, the waves lap forward and back again. Relapsing is all part of getting better, it will pass.
Somehow in the last couple of days I've had a breakthrough of sorts. The last several weeks have been so sad for me as I wait to get functioning again. The first few weeks of the medication switching left me waking up in the morning and not being able to move all day. Not being able to do the housework, not being able to lift the hoop. I was winded from getting up off the couch or bed. Lethargy is so unnatural for me but has been my prison for over 3 years.
I have felt like my mental wheels are spinning but not gaining any traction. I have a mounting list of things I want to do, life is waiting for me to get up off my ass! I have artistic projects I want to get to, paintings that need to be done and ideas begging to be realized. All I could think of was that they will never get done. Ever.
Failure is my new reality.
I've been feeling depressed and had ugly new feelings of envy and severe loss. I've never felt envious of anyone before.
I think I've gotten through the things I have in my life because I always take a good hard look at negative feelings and try and find the source. Being overwhelmed, anger, fear, depression are all good feelings because they are big signs that are telling you something is wrong. Well, for me anyway. A friend of mine confirmed this belief when I mentioned the strangeness of feeling envious of others. She said, envy is like a map, which really lines up with the ideas in my own personal coping strategies.
I can usually sort my way out of the things that are causing me to feel whatever crappy emotion that's plaguing me. I posted on a forum about feeling like my life is weirdly empty, mostly so I could see it myself. I chatted with a couple of people and had an Oprah, Aha moment. It suddenly became clear what I need to do.
I need to be around others who are creating and instead of telling myself that I have too many ideas and I could never possibly do them, I just said yes. I want to sew some clothes but don't have a sewing machine, that's okay, I'll borrow one. I want to make some things out of wood, go for it. I want to jump off a cliff into the river, of course! I want to paint, yes, yes, yes yes yes.
I am being so much kinder to myself by saying yes. Next thing you know I am dancing around the house!
FLASHDANCE!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Featured Member of the Week
What a surprise I woke up to on MyCrazySexyLife this morning. There were tons of congratulatory messages for being the featured member of the week!
The site is a forum for anyone dealing with cancer in there lives. They refer to it as a healing playground and I had recently posted my attempt at hooping videos which created a flurry of interest from other members. It's pretty cool how something small can effect people is such large ways.
There I am on the front page with my blue wig and my cheeky, "FU", to cancer.
On a side topic, I would love to be posting more and visiting other people's blogs but my carpel tunnel is being a bitch.
Ouch :(
The site is a forum for anyone dealing with cancer in there lives. They refer to it as a healing playground and I had recently posted my attempt at hooping videos which created a flurry of interest from other members. It's pretty cool how something small can effect people is such large ways.
There I am on the front page with my blue wig and my cheeky, "FU", to cancer.
On a side topic, I would love to be posting more and visiting other people's blogs but my carpel tunnel is being a bitch.
Ouch :(
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Exceeding Hyperdrive
I'm not very good at being in the middle. If I do something I have to put in a %110 or nothing at all. This cancer trip has been so hard on my inability to accept personal mediocrity. I realize to other people I look whatever way they see me but personal perception is what it all boils down to in the end. I have a hard time being who I am now.
I see me. I see what I can't do. This triggers me to push harder. Too hard maybe.
I have such a problem with muscle weakness and tripping and dropping things. I used to have such a strong capable body. Participating in the elderly arthritic water fit class was a great way for my body to begin to rebuild but having my ass kicked by people over 80 was a bit emotionally challenging at times. What made it more emotionally painful was seeing the weight room behind glass, behind our instructor. Every Tuesday and Wednesday I would see people my age breaking a sweat, lifting weights and working out with exercise balls. I couldn't even hold one of those at the time.
I wanted so badly to be in there with them and would occasionally resist crying in the pool doing my arm lifts. At the end of the session I would have a hard time getting out of the pool. The period of weightlessness would make my body feel crushingly heavy at the end and sometimes I could hardly walk. I persisted. Eventually I could keep up with the class but I would always spend the in between days exhausted in bed. Every day I would try to at least leave the house to go around the block.
I went one time with a friend to a beginner ball class. They did things my body would just not do. I discovered I couldn't just get off the floor and I couldn't lift the bar they held. As the class bounced and moved their feet to the music and manipulated the ball I struggled and moved like a tortoise and had to just try and not fall on the floor. The instructor approached me at the end and asked if I had physical impairments. Despite not being a crier, I cried.
This was just a few months ago. Four months ago when I moved I couldn't manage stairs very well and I still have trouble. Then I decided to walk some flat trails at the bottom of one of our mountains. My stubbornness kicked into high gear and I went up to the top of the mountain! I received such a rush from standing on the top.
I kept going, the next day and the next. It feels like my heart is going to explode when I hike up there. Manipulating my feet to get over the rocks is incredibly difficult but I can do it. Next thing I know, I ran off to Calgary. I was immobile for three days after I drove there. When I got back I went up the mountain the next morning.
It was a dumb ass move but I have a severe stubborn streak. My legs stopped moving half way up but I managed to get to the top and then could not get down. I held trees, dragged my legs over rocks and down trails, honestly I almost had to crawl down. I was hoping to see a random stranger and ask them to help me down but no one went by.
So, I made it. I gave myself a few days off (in bed) and began going again. I finally realized this was so hard on my body that I discussed it with my GP. I was really hoping she would give me the green light for my craziness but she didn't.
She said I can't go from zero to 60 because I could severely damage myself with muscle skeletal injuries or what not. I told her about the rush I get from it and how I am a goal and achievement oriented person. She said to slow down! My goal should be to work my way there in a reasonable way that would help me have more good days. My cycle has been to do something and then crash and recover, do something then crash and recover.
I am so impatient now! So I gave up the mountain and have been working with the hoop. I have prednisone caused arthritis and my hips and hands ache. I bruise easily because my platelets are low. I fight fatigue and vascular problems in my extremities. Every part of me seems broken but I can spin the hoop. Now I've locked in on it and keep practicing, have bed rest and practice some more. I'm utterly exhausted.
But just a couple of months ago I couldn't do this. Now I am obsessed with this and intend to be excellent at it. I finally feel like I can be good at something again, heck, I keep showing my kids and making them watch my new moves. They are such good sports and are so patient with me.
I guess we are all our own worst critics and those with chronic illness all have our own ways of dealing with what we are going through.
Personally I can't believe I can do this. I know I will be killer at it soon because I keep practicing until I drop. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION...and it's fun.
I see me. I see what I can't do. This triggers me to push harder. Too hard maybe.
I have such a problem with muscle weakness and tripping and dropping things. I used to have such a strong capable body. Participating in the elderly arthritic water fit class was a great way for my body to begin to rebuild but having my ass kicked by people over 80 was a bit emotionally challenging at times. What made it more emotionally painful was seeing the weight room behind glass, behind our instructor. Every Tuesday and Wednesday I would see people my age breaking a sweat, lifting weights and working out with exercise balls. I couldn't even hold one of those at the time.
I wanted so badly to be in there with them and would occasionally resist crying in the pool doing my arm lifts. At the end of the session I would have a hard time getting out of the pool. The period of weightlessness would make my body feel crushingly heavy at the end and sometimes I could hardly walk. I persisted. Eventually I could keep up with the class but I would always spend the in between days exhausted in bed. Every day I would try to at least leave the house to go around the block.
I went one time with a friend to a beginner ball class. They did things my body would just not do. I discovered I couldn't just get off the floor and I couldn't lift the bar they held. As the class bounced and moved their feet to the music and manipulated the ball I struggled and moved like a tortoise and had to just try and not fall on the floor. The instructor approached me at the end and asked if I had physical impairments. Despite not being a crier, I cried.
This was just a few months ago. Four months ago when I moved I couldn't manage stairs very well and I still have trouble. Then I decided to walk some flat trails at the bottom of one of our mountains. My stubbornness kicked into high gear and I went up to the top of the mountain! I received such a rush from standing on the top.
I kept going, the next day and the next. It feels like my heart is going to explode when I hike up there. Manipulating my feet to get over the rocks is incredibly difficult but I can do it. Next thing I know, I ran off to Calgary. I was immobile for three days after I drove there. When I got back I went up the mountain the next morning.
It was a dumb ass move but I have a severe stubborn streak. My legs stopped moving half way up but I managed to get to the top and then could not get down. I held trees, dragged my legs over rocks and down trails, honestly I almost had to crawl down. I was hoping to see a random stranger and ask them to help me down but no one went by.
So, I made it. I gave myself a few days off (in bed) and began going again. I finally realized this was so hard on my body that I discussed it with my GP. I was really hoping she would give me the green light for my craziness but she didn't.
She said I can't go from zero to 60 because I could severely damage myself with muscle skeletal injuries or what not. I told her about the rush I get from it and how I am a goal and achievement oriented person. She said to slow down! My goal should be to work my way there in a reasonable way that would help me have more good days. My cycle has been to do something and then crash and recover, do something then crash and recover.
I am so impatient now! So I gave up the mountain and have been working with the hoop. I have prednisone caused arthritis and my hips and hands ache. I bruise easily because my platelets are low. I fight fatigue and vascular problems in my extremities. Every part of me seems broken but I can spin the hoop. Now I've locked in on it and keep practicing, have bed rest and practice some more. I'm utterly exhausted.
But just a couple of months ago I couldn't do this. Now I am obsessed with this and intend to be excellent at it. I finally feel like I can be good at something again, heck, I keep showing my kids and making them watch my new moves. They are such good sports and are so patient with me.
I guess we are all our own worst critics and those with chronic illness all have our own ways of dealing with what we are going through.
Personally I can't believe I can do this. I know I will be killer at it soon because I keep practicing until I drop. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION...and it's fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)