Call me a Whaaaambulance.

I just took my camera into the camera hospital and it's going to cost me $300 to fix it! I dropped it a little while ago because my medications make me so shaky. I just spent $145 yesterday on medications and related paraphernalia, alone.

My camera is my ability to create (somewhat blurry pictures) while I am unable to paint. It allows me to feel a little bit of control over my situation. I feel like I am missing an appendage without it. I didn't realize what a coping mechanism it is for me. I sort of knew, but not really.

I take it with me wherever I go. It feels like my shield from reality and now I'm naked without it. Carrying my camera gives me a sense that I'm only "undercover" in this whole cancer dance.

Well, damn. It's not the end of the world but it is huge to me. Hello credit card debt.


I also want to send out a big HUG to Neil.

Track Pants

Many moons ago I vowed never to wear track pants outside of the house unless, of course, I was in fact running or working out. The year leading up to being diagnosed I was a hard core workaholic artist. Everything I owned was covered in paint. When I was wisked off to the Vancouver hospital I had nothing but a coat, pjs and studio shoes, all covered in paint.

When I was released from the hospital I had to wear guys hospital shorts. My body size and shape had changed so I bought two pairs of $15 track pants. Long story-short, I still have them and that's all I have to wear! Save me from the God forsaken track pants!

Considering I'm not able to work yet, my dream isn't likely to come true...but I can dream.