Saturday, November 10, 2007

Adventure of the Super Vagina

So, I'm still here. I didn't perish from the NEWS FROM HELL even though at times I thought I might. I've been dealing with serious stress pains in my chest and nausea, so, pretty much things are as usual.

Since all of you missed accompanying me to my actual appointment I thought I would share. This time I have pictures, as I know my previous Vagina posts disappointed from the lack of visuals.

All the accompanying photos were taken the day of my Gyno visit but are not quite in order as there was some serious foreshadowing going on.

I arrived relaxed and on time to the giant Gyno Building in Vancouver.

I followed my specific tips for dressing for specialist appointments (ie, any appointments which involve backless gowns). I stripped off the outer layers, donned the famous, and always stylish booties.

I mean, these booties.

I was escorted into the exam room and made myself comfortable.

Everything was ready to go down under

and check out my goodies.

Unfortunately, despite everything, this turned into a bit of an awkward situation.

My dear Vagina was again broadcast on the large GynoVision for our viewing pleasure. Photos were taken and I was shown every follicle in detail and congratulated on the healthy pinkness of my skin. I, quote, "get two thumbs up for healing".

After my quick congratulations, I was told when I wanted to have sex again I would need surgery as the "fantastic" healing I've done had caused a tight ring of scar tissue.

Fuck Me. Or not.

Hmmmmm? So do I get one of those designer vaginas everybody is talking about these days? Will I be the first one on the block to get one? Back up Britney Spears! Just wait until I'm strutting my stuff around town.

Really, there's no reason for me to be such a big baby about this.

It's not like I was using it anyway. The most action I've gotten has been with the gynecologists. They may be trained and all, but they're just not doing it for me.


Kelly Kane said...

I know this post is supposed to be angry, and sad-ish, but your pictures just make me laugh! Good for you for finding the humor down under :)

I owe you an email, either tonight or tomorrow. Stay tuned!


Bohemian Chic said...

HAHAHAHAH....thats great..this blog comes with a field trip..and oh my what colorful goodies you have...seriously..I am proud of you for taking the bad and making it good..I can't imagine if I saw mine on a tv screen...of course I would need a large question..was popcorn served and how late was the snack bar open??? Did you have an intermission..hahaha. Did the two thumbs up come from Siskel and Ebert???

Skully said...

Oh my! They do gyno with so much more style in Canada than in Wales. We have a decaying building with stained hanging celling tiles. I spend most of my time trying to work out what the stains look like. It's a bit like cloud watching but more seedy. Very drab and depressing. I might just have to move to Canada to get the all singing, all popcorn eating Gynovision treatment.

Keep smiling lovely lady and get wiggling! You know you want to!

Ivy Arts said...

Good Lord Woman! That's awful, but damn, you have good visuals. And may I add that I never want to see Gynovision in my lifetime. I'll run out of the room if I see a screen. Yikes!

Best to you.

bencandance said...

Hahaha, love the visuals to go along with the narrating.

My kind of blog! :P

Malik Imran Awan said...