Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sometimes keeping promises can be difficult.
When I was pregnant with my children and they were born I vowed to be there for them and keep them healthy, loved and safe. I vowed never to leave them and that they shall be the uncontested center of my life until they are grown.
Life has been tough but up until now I have been true to my word. Last year, though, I failed my son.
I have never missed a first word, the first day of school...a birthday. Through hell and high water I have always been there and kept them close. They could always count on me.
Before my diagnosis, I guess I hadn't been myself. My kids were saying, "Hey mom, why don't you go see your friends?" My youngest gave me a 2 for one ticket he had recieved from school for an English tea and told me I should go and take a friend. I was so touched and did as he instructed. I knew he wanted to go with me but it was too expensive. As I sat with my dear friend and enjoyed the time my son had wanted for me I hatched a plan to do an amazing English tea for his 11th birthday.
That day never came, as I was rushed miles away to the hospital. He spent his birthday without me. Truthfully I nearly died (don't ever say I just admitted that, I'll deny it).
I failed my sons because I left them. I was gone completely for 6 months and so much more since then, they even spent the summer with my parents. I can no longer guarantee I will be with them until adulthood. Luckily they are nearly there.
Today we had our English tea. It was slightly less English than I had hoped for but I guess life and promises aren't perfect.
The fact is, I was here and today I finally did it.