Sometimes keeping promises can be difficult.
When I was pregnant with my children and they were born I vowed to be there for them and keep them healthy, loved and safe. I vowed never to leave them and that they shall be the uncontested center of my life until they are grown.
Life has been tough but up until now I have been true to my word. Last year, though, I failed my son.
I have never missed a first word, the first day of school...a birthday. Through hell and high water I have always been there and kept them close. They could always count on me.
Before my diagnosis, I guess I hadn't been myself. My kids were saying, "Hey mom, why don't you go see your friends?" My youngest gave me a 2 for one ticket he had recieved from school for an English tea and told me I should go and take a friend. I was so touched and did as he instructed. I knew he wanted to go with me but it was too expensive. As I sat with my dear friend and enjoyed the time my son had wanted for me I hatched a plan to do an amazing English tea for his 11th birthday.
That day never came, as I was rushed miles away to the hospital. He spent his birthday without me. Truthfully I nearly died (don't ever say I just admitted that, I'll deny it).
I failed my sons because I left them. I was gone completely for 6 months and so much more since then, they even spent the summer with my parents. I can no longer guarantee I will be with them until adulthood. Luckily they are nearly there.
Today we had our English tea. It was slightly less English than I had hoped for but I guess life and promises aren't perfect.
The fact is, I was here and today I finally did it.
4 comments:
This one broght a tear to my eye....I know this ways on your mind everyday...anyone who knows you and the boys knows you did the best any mother can do...I have seen you guys together...no matter what they know you are there for them even when you can't
I have never loved someone so much without every seeing, smelling, touching, hearing them... You amaze me everyday... That was THE best blog ever.
You are an inspiration to the world.
What they said. That one made me snuffle a bit. Your writing is so moving.
I don't think you personally failed anyone least of all your son. Circumstances beyond your or anyone else's control put a delay to the promise. There is a big difference between wilfully braking a promise and not being in a position to be able to fulfil one.
Your sons are very lucky to have such a loving caring mother, that does her very best to make sure they are safe and happy, even when she is gravely ill!
You do not have to be a superhero to be a good parent, you just have to love and care for your child and keep them safe. It seems to me you have done that, even through all the sickness. You have ensured they were in a happy safe place when they couldn't be with you and you have remembered to keep a past promise you made as soon as you were able. A lot of people in your place maybe would have forgotten all about a promised English tea party. You didn't!
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