Monday, April 20, 2009

Something

I wish today was like every other Monday. I'm sitting in my living room by the glass doors looking over my teeny backyard. The sun is shining and it looks like it's snowing. My yard has a small tree covered in pink blossoms and the parent tree hangs over my yard. It's like having puffy pink clouds floating outside my windows. The petals keep floating down with every breeze.

I should really go for a walk because I'm sure it's warm and would pick up my spirits like it always does. Unfortunately I'm waiting for some biopsy results of my cervix.

Two weeks ago I travelled for my usual check up at the gyno-oncologist. Everything started as usual with smiling faces and lighthearted talk, telling me I wasn't due for any pap tests. That was until they put my cervix up on the giant gyno-vision. Suddenly their faces changed and were glued onto the screen. They used several sheets of gauze for the pap and then proceeded to take two biopsies. I looked at the screen trying to see what they saw but I must admit, I'm not familiar with what my cervix is supposed to look like. All I know is that it didn't look like usual. It looked like it had big water bubbles on it. When I asked what was up they just told me that it might be swelling from all the drugs I'm on, yadda, yadda. They were grasping for something easy to tell me. I'm not new at this, though, I've been around Dr.s and nurses enough to recognize that look.

Something is wrong.

12 comments:

Gaston Studio said...

I am so sorry to hear about this latest visit and hope so much that they're just being extra cautious.

Hang in there until you get the actual results. It can't be easy I'm sure, but try not to worry.

Tracey said...

Try to keep an open mind until you know whats happening for definate.. I love reading your blog.. keep us informed darling and try not to worry xx

BaldyLocks said...

Thanks. Sitting here waiting really sucks to high hell.

Caroline said...

Scanxiety big time! The waiting sucks. Do you have any idea when they will have the results? I am sending all sorts of positive thoughts and good mojo your way.

Autonomous Artisans said...

Bloody girlie bits are always giving out scare vibes. I had a regular smear test (pap test) some years ago and a few weeks afterwards they sent me a letter telling me I had a problem and could I go in for a second set of tests at the hospital and then the date. The date was for 6 months time... yep, 6 MONTHS. I phoned them to ask what the 'problem' was and all they would tell me was "We will discuss it when we have the results of the second test". Arrgggghhhh! I was lucky and it turned out they had mistaken me for someone else, but they only figured that out when I went for the second test, so I totally get the feeling of waiting and how much it suck. I just felt sorry for the person who's test results they really were. They had already been 6 months without treatment or a second test and with the waiting lists we have here they probably wouldn't get seen for another 6 months. Utterly crazy!

I have everything crossed for you and hope it is all fine and that they are just being extra cautious. You are after all a VIP blogger that deserves special attention and the finest care they can give! And if they don't give you that I'll come and kick their shins!

BaldyLocks said...

Ha ha, thanks. I'm sitting outside now in the sunshine where I can hear the phone. Apparently the results are in but my GP hasn't received them and my oncologist hasn't called me back.

I'm sure it will all be fine. I'd really rather be doing something else.

hockeychic said...

Oh no, waiting is the worst. Hopefully it is just a caution thing and everything will be o.k. Sending good thoughts your way.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Waiting is the worst part but I think the old saying is that "all good things are worth waiting for". Here's to sending you good things!!!

BaldyLocks said...

It's the end of the business day. I guess I won't be hearing today.

Chrisy said...

Best of luck honey...life sucks sometimes...

Charlotte said...

Like 'Autonomous Artisans' I had a recall letter following my smear/pap test. This was a few years back - and I too was told I'd have to wait six months for a re-test! (UK policy, I think!) In the mean time I read all the scary literature they give you and stewed over it for the following weeks! Fortunately, it turned out okay in the end!

I guess they're monitoring you extra closely, so hopefully they can rule out any problems double quick!

Love and energy as always xxxx

BaldyLocks said...

Thanks. I'm trying to go with the no news is good news mode of thinking.