Something

I wish today was like every other Monday. I'm sitting in my living room by the glass doors looking over my teeny backyard. The sun is shining and it looks like it's snowing. My yard has a small tree covered in pink blossoms and the parent tree hangs over my yard. It's like having puffy pink clouds floating outside my windows. The petals keep floating down with every breeze.

I should really go for a walk because I'm sure it's warm and would pick up my spirits like it always does. Unfortunately I'm waiting for some biopsy results of my cervix.

Two weeks ago I travelled for my usual check up at the gyno-oncologist. Everything started as usual with smiling faces and lighthearted talk, telling me I wasn't due for any pap tests. That was until they put my cervix up on the giant gyno-vision. Suddenly their faces changed and were glued onto the screen. They used several sheets of gauze for the pap and then proceeded to take two biopsies. I looked at the screen trying to see what they saw but I must admit, I'm not familiar with what my cervix is supposed to look like. All I know is that it didn't look like usual. It looked like it had big water bubbles on it. When I asked what was up they just told me that it might be swelling from all the drugs I'm on, yadda, yadda. They were grasping for something easy to tell me. I'm not new at this, though, I've been around Dr.s and nurses enough to recognize that look.

Something is wrong.