So, I'm still pretty, meh, today and spent the morning answering emails and pondering a few things. Last night on the phone I was speaking to a friend and I said, "Something's gotta give". I can't keep going like this. Paying around $200 a month for non covered medications is digging a deep hole of debt coming up towards $7,000 on credit cards at %19 interest. Scary.
My sons need things for school and bus money to be able to get to school. I almost cried buying my oldest 2 pairs of shoes a few days ago. One was a pair of runners for gym and the other I made sure was completely water proof because it rains so much here. When you have one pair of shoes to walk in every day they better be able to withstand any kind of weather.
Not being able to works sucks hardcore and it hurts to not be able to give my sons things they need. The mounting debt has been making things harder and harder. I'm resilient but, come on! I just wistfully wait for the day that I can tackle that debt and move on. It will happen..it will.
So I decided to take my book out into the sunshine to read. I usually crack out one of my vintage dresses (thrift stores are the best) and look all dolled up because I'm trying to make up for lost time. Make up for being ugly for three years, that is.
But for some reason today I slipped into an old pair of jeans that I used to paint in. I rolled up the legs so they are calf length, pulled on a summery black top and left my chemo curls flowing around my shoulders. I popped on my Jackie-O style sunglasses and walked out the door.
As I walked I passed through the square that has the old but still running live theatre. I sat on a stone bench in front of the open workshop doors and opened my mail. My hydro bill is double because I missed paying it last month somehow (stupid chemo brain). I sat a little confuzzled and noticed a man chatting to a woman outside of the shop.
I finally had someone I could ask about where to buy gaffer tape! Gaffer tape is used in music and theater shows but I'm looking for it to make a hoop. He asked me if I was looking for real gaff tape or the shiny kind, which I'm assuming he meant electrical tape. I said, "no, the real stuff", then in passing I mentioned I used to be a scenic painter in a prominent theatre but live in this neighborhood now.
I don't remember the exact words but he said they are often in need of casual set crew. I said, "Oh, who would I speak to about that?" He answered that he is the guy because he's the production manager. Then I introduced myself and he asked me to drop off my resume. I thanked him and went on my way, after telling me where I could get the tape I need. DOUBLE SCORE!
So, I went to university to move away from scenic painting but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. Scenic painting without a doubt I can do, although I don't know how my body will react to that. I know my Dr. said no but this is casual work...
As I walked away I stared at my stiff hands and gave them a stretch. Will they work? If I can't do this, I can't do anything...
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.... fingers crossed X a million.