Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from my family and I. Hope everyone has a great evening!

Sugar Skull / Calavera

A lot of people want to know how my makeup was done so here it is! I watched YouTube tutorials for this look and found this first one to be the biggest inspiration. The second video does a very thorough instruction.





Give yourself a whole lotta time to get this one done before you go out, and hour minimum. And don't drink before hand either! This needs a very steady hand.

If you do yourself up like this send me a link to a photo!

Have fun!

Halloween

Have I ever missed Halloween! I always said it was my favourite day of the year and has been overly sad the last three where I've been too tired to participate. Last year I hung out at home handing out candy in my blue wig. I don't even remember the two before that.

This year I'm so excited that I had to try out my makeup before hand. I usually go as an Emily Strange type of dead girl with a beehive hairdo. Since cancer messed up my plans to go see, Dia de los Muertos, in 2006, I decided to bring it home, now.

It's never too late.

Stupid Cancer Show with Me!

Check this fancy little widget at the time or after the show and listen to what went down. Wish me luck! It's on at 9pm eastern standard time.



Or hit this link to be brought to the show's page.

Observations From the Field

More observations from the field. The weather has turned here and it's become extremely cold. Not the kind of cold that brings snow and ice but the cold that is chilling wind and rain. I need a sweater.

So I went to Old Navy intent on finding a super cheap deal for something I feel nice in and warm in. My experience has told me that if you keep diligently hunting until your eyes bleed, you will eventually find something amazing for $10 or less. As I tore through a stack of sweaters, I came across a cute black one that fit all the requirements. Cozy, warm, colour that goes with everything and it looks really good on me.

As I checked myself admiringly out in the mirror I heard a woman just outside of the changing stall, chatting. I didn't really register what she was saying at first but as I stepped out she was saying, "GAWWWWD, this makes me look SO frumpy! Why can't I find anything that doesn't make me look frumpy?" When I came out I almost bumped in to her and we were face to face heading to the same mirror... wearing the same sweater.

We were the same size, same body type, same colouring, had our hair up... both looking damned good in the same sweater. She stopped for a second and gave me the eye up and down. She then continued complaining about how frumpy and fat and ugly she was, on and on, every once in a while taking a good look at me. She had a baby carriage beside her and a doting friend who was listening to all her complaints. She mostly complained about her breasts which were, "Way too big", and apparently the absolute bane of her existence.

I felt a little empty then. Stepping out and inadvertently facing an almost mirror reflection that apparently loathed her new post baby body. It kind of hurt as if she were talking about me even though she wasn't.

I have to admit a small deep down part of me was angry... that she had good health, a full head of hair, a new child and could so easily complain about, of all things her breasts and appearance.

I do everything I can every day to appreciate and love this post cancer, slow moving, chemo ravaged, slightly post prednisone pudgy, and transplant raged body.

I haven't felt like that for a while. Like it's me vs all the healthy people.

So I bought that damn sweater, because I looked GOOD in it! (and it was $10) And guess what?

SO DID SHE!

Lovely Lady

I picked up my sons from wrestling last night and popped by Safeway for some chocolate. The sleeping issue is really dragging me down so I figured chocolate would make it all better. As we dug through piles of pink boas, balloons, tables with pink M&M's, pink toilet paper and other pink paraphernalia we managed to find the goody isle. I felt even worse because the new October Pink Fest always reminds me that nobody gives a fuck about my cancer or anyone elses other than breast cancer because it's not marketable.

Then my sons were all hyped up from all the adrenaline and testosterone raging around in their teenage bodies. They were asking me question after question after another freak'n question, bouncing around topics like they were in a verbal ping pong tournament and every sentence started with, Mum.

"Mom! My stomach hurts!", "Mom! Can I have a dollar?", Mom! What if zombies came right now in the grocery store!", "Mom! I think I have to go to the hospital", "Mom! I need a job!", "Mom! What if people see us with just this junk? They'll think we eat crap all the time", "Mom! Can I have an iced tea?", "Mom! I need a new snowboard!", "Mom! When can we...", "Mom!" ....etc, etc et-fucking-cetera.

My brain was in mental meltdown mode as I stood there blankly staring at the rows and rows of chocolate. The boys were surrounding me and taking up the whole isle chirping at me like giant baby birds.

The entire time there was an older woman in the isle also picking out treats. I was thinking, "Man, she must be annoyed at all of this commotion over one little purchase". Instead of yelling, "STOP NAGGING YOUR MOM!", like I thought she was going to, she said, "You should tell your mom she looks too young and pretty to be your mother. You boys are lucky to have such a wonderful, beautiful young mom".

They just stopped in their tracks gaping, mouths open mid sentence and looked at me like I was an alien... or like I was missing my head. Or like I was an alien missing it's head. They smiled back at her and said, "Um, yeah" (because they are actually very polite young men) and we went on our way.

We shuffled around and climbed through the piles of pink fluff again to get to the cashier to pay for our purchases and left.

It lifted my spirits and I was reminded what a great impact small gestures of kindness make.

Way Tired

I'm really dragging my feet, this severe sleep deprivation is really getting to me. I stopped sleeping after my transplant. The doctors keep switching up all my medications and I'm pretty sure it's going to get better? All I know is my daily functioning level has been on the floor since August 1st, when I switched to amtitryptoline (that is likely spelled wrong but I'm to tired to go look up the correct spelling).

I think this is the last big hurdle to getting my life back and getting back to work. Right now I feel severely overwhelmed by not much. I went to the doc a few days ago and I could hardly string a sentence together. I apologized and he said that's pretty normal considering. He changed up my meds again and I'm hopeful it will work. I'm pretty damned fed up with this.

I remember as a kid my mom telling me that some people had disorders, where they couldn't sleep. I think I had seen an article or something about it and had asked. I remember thinking how absurd, how could not sleeping do such terrible things to people?

Weird thing is, my mom and I are going through menopause at the same time and she can't sleep either. This is so awful, I just can't manage. I have stuff to do.

Sneaking in a Post

Confession. I miss university. I was diagnosed with 2 weeks left of my BFA (known as a, Bachelor of Fuck All, to some) I missed my final project and it was completed for me by some wonderful people who I haven't seen since.


University was the last time where I felt like I was in control and the last place I felt accomplished. I miss that.

So between dropping teenage boys off at one of their sports in the evening, I pay $1, park my car and wander into the university library. There is a quiet spot in the belly of the building where I can sit in absolute silence looking out over the water and watch the sun fade.


I'm working on some of my writing projects and hoping to soak up the nostalgia. Maybe I'll even get something done for once.

1,000 Cranes

The most beautiful gift I received while going through my chemotherapy was without a doubt the 1,000 cranes that were carefully folded for me. A friend had spearheaded the project while I was away in hospital and my friends and others who wanted to help got together and began the journey. One thousand cranes is no small task and one that shows great dedication to you. Many hands went into completing them including girls whom I never met and will probably never get to meet. They were my friend's students at her girls school and they folded during art class, folded during P.E. They pretty much folded throughout every class for days or weeks until it was done.

I was blown away when the gift was presented to me and the story told. I'd absolutely recommend this to anyone that wants to show someone how much they love them and wish for their healing.

A couple of days ago I saw a call for cranes in the forums I was on. I was really touched with what this person is trying to do for her friend. I thought I would post it here to help her out.

Jen has brain cancer and I'm sure could use all the help she can get.



I'm hoping there are some handy people reading my blog who could help out. This is something you can do to make a difference without a lot of money.





Please see the beautiful website made for Jen and help out! Let me know here if you're going to pitch in or just send some good wishes her way.

Strangers helping strangers is a fantastical thing. There are links to instructions to get you started and above is the address to send them to. All the photos on this post are snipped from Jen's site! Check it out! You can also check out the blog to see the progress!

Fuck brain cancer!

Stupid Cancer Show Announcement!

Yep, I'll be back on the Stupid Cancer Show, October 26th 2009! The segment will be about parenting with cancer. I'm a guest as well as a few others parents.

It will be available on, I'm Too Young For This, the night of the show. Please see visit the site for times when the show airs in your area but if you miss it, no worries because it will also be available on iTunes.

It's also a possibility that I may be able to put a widget up here on Baldylocks.com to listen to it live.