Sunday, June 6, 2010


I'm so exhausted that I could cry. I knew there would be a physical toll to pay for going to New York and I'm paying it. I just wish it wasn't this way. When it gets like this I'm not able to accomplish anything and I get extremely frustrated.

All I want is a normal life where I get to do normal things that any other 37 year old would get to do. All I can do is sit here listening to the rain in my OMG conference T shirt and wondering if I will ever sleep again.

Fuck cancer, fuck mind bending exhaustion, fuck post cancer life and fuck early chemotherapy induced menopause. Hopefully that covers it all....

Oh, and fuck going from feeling like a 24 year old to feeling like an 80 year old in 4 years flat.


Caroline said...

Fuck cancer. I want my life back. If I attempt to be a normal person I am in pain for days. FUCK.

BaldyLocks said...

Fuck yeah! You tell 'em!

Ann aka ButDoctorIHatePink said...

While I am no longer 24, I felt it. I had energy, a vibrant life, I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. and could shop (or work) all day. I looked younger than my age and felt great.

And, just like that - overnight - I'm old. I ache, I hurt, I'm tired, and my skin is melting off my body. It's getting thin and I CAN'T WEAR MY HEELS!!!

Yes, fuck cancer.

Elizabeth said...

A-fucking-men. I had chemo Friday, and all I have been able to do for the last two days is sleep and watch TV. I've lost 50 pounds in the last six months, and I'm weak and have no stamina whatsoever. I want my life back!

danaceau said...

I hear you. This is where I would pull out my Ativan. Double Dose. said...

I went from feeling like a 54 year old to feeling like an 80 year old, so I can identify. I'm off my adjunct chemo and am feeling like I'm 25! Thank you, God. We're all in search of our new normal.

Brenda Coffee

BaldyLocks said...

Feeling like 25! That's great! I hope to be 25 again some day :)

Catherine said...

Man this is great. I've just been diagnosed with breast cancer and all I want to do is run around screaming FUCK at the top of my lungs. (while I still have the energy)

This Stupid Cancer blogroll and your Baldylocks blog are refreshing. Thanks for sharing, and I love your blue hair.

It's refreshing to find a jolt of youth, pop culture, and cancer ass kicking topics wrapped into one package.

Thanks! Catherine

BaldyLocks said...

I'm glad you found my blog Catherine. I try and have some fun here :)

That's lousy about your diagnosis. I hope that you get through everything with flying colours.

danceea, a double dose has crossed my mind ;)

Ann, I could have written what you wrote here word for word. I actually did a double take when I first read it.

Fuck Cancer!!