Waiting for this MRI is difficult. When I received my cancer diagnosis, it was immediate but I did have to wait to see what subtype of AML I had. That was torturous waiting to see if I had the bad one or not. It turns out I did but not the worst.
Waiting in so much pain for my hip to be diagnosed is tearing me up inside. I just feel this incredible grief overcoming me. It could be the pain talking I guess.
My son asked me today if I'm going to become like 'House' and unfortunately I think I am.
So I made an appointment with a cancer councilor and am trying to sign up for a post cancer class which deals with issues of getting healthy and what to do next. I also signed up at the YWCA, who were very good to me today. At this point I think I will start going to the pool to take the weight off the hip joint. This body is becoming such a dead-weight for me.
I used to be a runner. I really don't know what to do if my physical abilities are taken from me forever. I wish I could still have those forward thinking dreams where I could see my life laid out for me. If I work hard than x will happen etc.
Right now my life in the future is still a big empty hole. I feel so alone. The worse this pain gets, the more I feel alone and locked up in my body. There is no one to share this piece of myself with.
I'm going to try and paint tomorrow.