Mom's a ....

I feel utterly hostile right now. Some days are just so hard to cope with. My stupid body is so slow and I have things to get done. The more I try, the more frustrated I get, then BLAMMO! Mom turns into a bear and tries to eat the little children. Although the children are taller than me and hold their own in the grief giving department.

And now I realize the handy illustration I just made is off kilter. Thank goodness I have this rice crispy square to take my frustrations out on, grrrrrrrrr.

He's Crafty

This morning I woke feeling refreshed and optimistic. Today is Canada Day after all! When I came downstairs I saw all of our silkscreening paraphernalia out. What the hey have they been up to!?


It turned out that the boys wanted to be properly decked out for Canada Day celebrations tonight so they grabbed some old white T shirts and cut a maple leaf stencil.


They silkscreened the giant maple leaf onto the shirts and son # 2 even made a gigantic button with our button maker.


They put on their red long sleeved Light the Night, volunteer shirts and were ready to go. Youngest son had had the brilliant foresight to get Canada shorts for the summer.


I made them do a quick photo shoot and they were off!






I'm so damn proud of my sons. Happy Canada Day!

Boys

I'm having a hard time believing my surgery will take this pain and sickness away. I feel like carp and am trying my best to be interactive with my family. I often have a long face, simply because of how I feel. It makes me feel like I'm putting out the vibes that I'm mad at them, which I'm not. Until I get super grumpy and my middle son says, "Holy, mom, you're so grumpy".

I've been reading to the kids at night and have been tucking them in to bed like sausages. I used to do that when they were little and they are still loving it.

I feel like my prolonged illness has left a hole. I was gone for six months full time and half the time, for several months after that. My boys were young boys and when I came back they were changed. They were becoming young men. Despite boys acting all independent, they still need their parents and unfortunately I'm all they have. I owe it to them to be here.

I'm here but my capabilities are not at a proper parenting level. It makes me sad for them. Their manners have been corrupted in the stress of me being away and I've missed out on many life lessons. They are good kids with good intentions but are slobs. I can't blame them, through all this trauma but we need to pull ourselves back together. Farting is NOT a joke. Burping is NOT appropriate. Rooms should be kept clean, dishes should remain in the kitchen.

But who am I kidding. All this work I've done to make them well adjusted capable human beings and now life is upside down. Of all the people I've talked to going through cancer recovery, none of them have been single parents of a large family. How do you heal when shit has to be done? I need someone taking care of me and I hate it.

It sucks and is shitty and crappy and whatever. Blah blah blah.

My sons are such amazing people. They deserve better than a sick grouchy mom.

Epic Invasion

Invasion or infestation? I've been sick for two years, officially now. Well, even longer before my diagnosis. During this time something disturbing happened...

Somehow, some way, the children became men....and took over.

They have apparently coped with our current situation by transforming our house into an oasis of testosterone. Our living room is an orgy of game systems, computer, tv's, dvd players and Lego. There are dishes, couch cushions, Easter candy, wrappers and game controllers. They freely shed their clothes throughout the house as I find socks, pants, shirts, shorts stuffed under couch cushions, under chairs in hallways...you get the picture.

I try in vain to see if there is any evidence of me living here but all that is visible is the odd painting here and there.

So, despite the hideous and mysterious pain I'm in, I'm trying to get things back together. I managed to get them to clean the living room but not without a whole lot of, "I didn't do that! Why doesn't HE have to clean it up?" It's always easy to confuse the parent when there are 3 of them banding together.

When things were looking a lot tidier I realized...

There was some sort of epic battle going on in my livingroom.

The place is infested with Bionicles and Halo guys! They are crawling the walls.

I suppose it's my fault as they seem to have been attracted by my abandoned Christmas decorating.

It looks as if the Bionicles are out for some action but the Halo guys just want to chill, with a view.