Friday, February 29, 2008

To Spanx or not to Spanx

That is the question.

So, I've been getting out a little more recently. I wander in my little car, often with no real destination in mind. I hunt down the best mocha in town or the mocha with the best view. Occasionally I get out of the vehicle and I realize by the public indifference, that I am frumpy.

Sometimes I run to the grocery store for something. You know that crazy lady at the grocery store? Well I am that crazy grocery store lady. I don't have any cats yet, but I'm sure they will come in time. I get home and I realize I'm wearing something absurd and very the point of possibly clashy. My hair is in pins with a dash of bed head and let's not forget my puffy head with deep set eyes that have a blank stare. Completely the wrong shoes and looking somewhat awkward....oh, and dropping everything.

A friend and I went out for lunch the other day and she came looking all gorgeous. I was wearing beige track pants and a pink hoodie with a purple vest. I felt a pang of, "I sure look like crap next to her". I asked what the occasion was and she said I am always dressed up looking drop dead gorgeous and blow her out of the water. She was trying to keep up to me.

Well....when was the last time I did that? I've been deep in my track pant coma for a year and a half. I retain that it's still a step up from the Hospital gowns/pajamas.

I hate looking in the mirror because where a young attractive woman used to be, a puffy face, frumpy hair and lumpy body now exists. I look over 10 years older since July 6 2006. Is this my prize for going through all this?

As I browsed through a store the other day I came across two women gushing over Spanx.

Spanx promises to take my lumpy body and give me this nice firm rear.

I would like a nice new rear but those things look like a lot of work.

I think I may need a set of tongs to get me in and out of them. Or maybe a body sized shoe horn.

I suppose it's comforting to know that for $75 and no breaking of the skin, I can have a tight ass too.


LoveMeKnot Creations said...

haha! you're too funny:) I've heard of spanx too, but everytime I pick one up I feel like everyone in the store is looking at my ass now, so I put them down and blush and run away....

*sigh* maybe i'll order online lol.

Trulymom's Creations said...

Wow, I want Spanx...but I bet I still wouldn't get that butt back. LOL

Rosebud Collection said...

It is sure a great write up about the Spanx...but I think I am beyond hope at this stage of my life..

High Desert Diva said...

Sounds like you're in need of more than a mocha need a girlfriend spa day.

First thing....ditch the beige sweats. They're like white have to have a firm, size 6, 20 year old ass to wear anything those colors.

Then call the gorgeous one back up and tell her you're ready to blow $100 on making yourself feel good. Forget the Spanx....have a facial, or a make-over, or even a pedicure.

I've got a pedi scheduled for first one in a year at least. Wanna join me?

Captain Skulduggery Dug said...

Those spanx look ewwww and all sweaty betty! I shudder at the thought of them.

Kelly Kane said...

I bought spanx nylons for my work holiday party, and they totally did the job. I didn't have any weird belly lumps... however, they're weird, and have a crotch opening to pee... so basically it's like wearing crotchless panties.... I obviously shared that info with Pat on our walk to the party... ha ha! I'm hilllarious.

Oh and PS, they were only about $28, maybe less even...


wildcat said...

With your smile, who needs Spanx?

wildcat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lavinia hanachiuc said...

I don't know,they look scary.I rather try a vintage corset on top of sweatpants for the added coolnes and torturous style .
I'm rather frumpy myself because it looks that in the weekly washing cycle only the most horrible combinations end up clean at the same time.I call that my style.

Jen Hintz said...

Target sells a version of Spanx called "Assets". They're cheaper, and they work fine. Not really hard to get into/out of, either. =)