So, I've been getting out a little more recently. I wander in my little car, often with no real destination in mind. I hunt down the best mocha in town or the mocha with the best view. Occasionally I get out of the vehicle and I realize by the public indifference, that I am frumpy.
Sometimes I run to the grocery store for something. You know that crazy lady at the grocery store? Well I am that crazy grocery store lady. I don't have any cats yet, but I'm sure they will come in time. I get home and I realize I'm wearing something absurd and very unmatchy....to the point of possibly clashy. My hair is in pins with a dash of bed head and let's not forget my puffy head with deep set eyes that have a blank stare. Completely the wrong shoes and looking somewhat awkward....oh, and dropping everything.
A friend and I went out for lunch the other day and she came looking all gorgeous. I was wearing beige track pants and a pink hoodie with a purple vest. I felt a pang of, "I sure look like crap next to her". I asked what the occasion was and she said I am always dressed up looking drop dead gorgeous and blow her out of the water. She was trying to keep up to me.
Well....when was the last time I did that? I've been deep in my track pant coma for a year and a half. I retain that it's still a step up from the Hospital gowns/pajamas.
I hate looking in the mirror because where a young attractive woman used to be, a puffy face, frumpy hair and lumpy body now exists. I look over 10 years older since July 6 2006. Is this my prize for going through all this?
As I browsed through a store the other day I came across two women gushing over Spanx.
Spanx promises to take my lumpy body and give me this nice firm rear.
I would like a nice new rear but those things look like a lot of work.
I think I may need a set of tongs to get me in and out of them. Or maybe a body sized shoe horn.
I suppose it's comforting to know that for $75 and no breaking of the skin, I can have a tight ass too.
10 comments:
haha! you're too funny:) I've heard of spanx too, but everytime I pick one up I feel like everyone in the store is looking at my ass now, so I put them down and blush and run away....
*sigh* maybe i'll order online lol.
Wow, I want Spanx...but I bet I still wouldn't get that butt back. LOL
It is sure a great write up about the Spanx...but I think I am beyond hope at this stage of my life..
Sounds like you're in need of more than a mocha run...you need a girlfriend spa day.
First thing....ditch the beige sweats. They're like white pants...you have to have a firm, size 6, 20 year old ass to wear anything those colors.
Then call the gorgeous one back up and tell her you're ready to blow $100 on making yourself feel good. Forget the Spanx....have a facial, or a make-over, or even a pedicure.
I've got a pedi scheduled for Tues...my first one in a year at least. Wanna join me?
Those spanx look ewwww and all sweaty betty! I shudder at the thought of them.
I bought spanx nylons for my work holiday party, and they totally did the job. I didn't have any weird belly lumps... however, they're weird, and have a crotch opening to pee... so basically it's like wearing crotchless panties.... I obviously shared that info with Pat on our walk to the party... ha ha! I'm hilllarious.
Oh and PS, they were only about $28, maybe less even...
XO
With your smile, who needs Spanx?
I don't know,they look scary.I rather try a vintage corset on top of sweatpants for the added coolnes and torturous style .
I'm rather frumpy myself because it looks that in the weekly washing cycle only the most horrible combinations end up clean at the same time.I call that my style.
Target sells a version of Spanx called "Assets". They're cheaper, and they work fine. Not really hard to get into/out of, either. =)
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