My Artist Statement 2011

My body betrayed me.

One day I found myself clinging to life in a sterile hospital room on a closed floor in the Vancouver General Hospital. There I silently slipped into a sterile system of tubes, fluids, chemicals, warning labels and the humming of machines. My body was toxic including anything that came out of it. There was a biohazard sign lying across my private room’s toilet and anything that came out of me was put into a bucket with the bright green biohazard sticker on top. The bucket would be sealed and then taken away and destroyed. One day I threw up on the floor and everyone was shuffled out of my room. They placed a security guard outside of my room’s door until the special cleaners in HAZMAT suits were finished and had left.

I suffered many violations and indignities to my body through those times and the four and a half years since. After the bone marrow transplant the very DNA that determines who I am was obliterated. My immune system and blood that flows through my body now is not my own. It is my donor’s blood, my brother’s.

Somewhere within that, art took on a new role in my life. I had never paid much attention to my self, just concentrated on my sons and my schoolwork. Now as a brutal turn, all eyes were on me. That was the day I turned the camera lens around.

As my body struggled through it’s necessary life threatening journey I felt like a documentary journalist. This kept me sane. Instead of grief, I felt curiosity.

As I sat alone in my hospital room, an ocean away from my children and anything that was familiar, I was afraid I would be forgotten. Life went on without me. I felt like I needed to live so I could at least create enough artwork so I wouldn’t fade away into nothingness. I didn’t know who I was anymore, without my children, without my artwork, without the feel of the green grass beneath my feet. I was nothing.

Art became an act of self-preservation. I needed to know who I had been, who I was and who I was becoming. People without cancer think it’s something you beat and then leave behind. Most often cancer becomes who you are, something that cannot be separated from you, chemically, emotionally and physically. For me with my stem cell transplant I have been altered at a cellular level. I am a walking science experiment, a freak of nature, minus the nature. Even medical science calls what I went through, a rebirth.

So I decided to embrace it. I decided to ride it like an ocean wave, not sure where it will take me. As I lived with the constant flowering and blooming of bruises on my damaged body I imagine the colours in my own way. I dreamt of having long black hair again when I tired of my bald head. I created a vision of my brother’s cells taking over like small bright stars that would save my life. I drew whatever I was feeling but more often than not, I painted my power. I painted the strength inside of me that pulled me through. I took photos of and drew my pain, my vulnerability and my grief.

I created a new narrative, one where I am the heroine. I took this broken body, my betrayer, this lemon and showed it for what it truly is, beautiful.

Rose Currie 2011

Art Show Aftermath

Under eye cover up is my friend right now.

I've been meeting some very cool people at the gallery. The first day I gallery sat, there was a movie being filmed all over the block and I walked into the gallery to see EVERYTHING happening out the front window. There was the actress Poppy Montgomery with a pram, double decker bus, red phone booth and tons of lighting equipment, people, you name it, it was there.

It didn't leave a lot of option to walk in the front door and check out the art. The woman who did find her way in commented that it was a great show to be up on International Women's Day. Very cool.

But I'm exhausted.

Utterly.

Time Lapse Video

A brilliant friend set up his camera and created this time lapse video of the art show.



Very cool.

LEMON Video

Exhibit-V is a site that creates short films of the art show openings around Victoria. Efren came by and created this video of me chatting about the show.

Fairly Hilarious

On the way to the first art show in Chemainus I was driven up by my closest friend. Her 17 year old son was in the back and is a cheeky monkey. He stated loudly that my friend and I (Pinky) come off in public as a lesbian couple. I thought that was pretty funny because we are very close but... you know, we don't like each other that way.

So with some quick Photoshoppery I made this and sent it to them. Maybe her son could use it as his new screen saver?

What a day!

This is definitely one of the best days of my life. I don't have pictures because other people were taking photos for me but the gallery was packed. Packed for 4 hours.

I am tired and deserve a big rest but I'm not sure I can rest when I can barely contain the satisfaction and joy I feel.

A big part of it all was having some amazing people pitching in. They made the day beautiful and I'm not sure how I could ever thank them enough.

Pinky & Brain Rocked the House

Now one more art show to go to tomorrow.

OMG Today is the Day

Day 2, first art show up island in Chemainus. The roller coaster continues.

I still have a lot to do for the Victoria Show tomorrow and I just don't know if that stuff will get done. It would sure help if I had a printer.

Hanging the Art Show #2

The art hanging part of the day went well, thanks to a friend who came and helped. We were a serious frame hanging team as we calculated the height, placement and width between each picture. She has a great eye and I was so glad I could trust her opinion about all the details. She's hold a painting up so I could go and look if the placement was right, then we'd switch places. The end result was a fantastic looking space!

This was the box filled with the glass framed drawings.


And below is what behind the scenes looks like. My pantings ready to vacate the house amidst piles of my sons shoes, longboards and bikes.


Below is a photo I snapped when my son happened to walk by the gallery and pop in. I caught the moment of horror as he saw what mom's been up to with the photography. It's the same photo that won 1st prize at the Monday Magazine photography competition. Methinks he may be difficult to get to the opening now.


There was only one casualty when I accidentally knocked this piece over. It had only been framed for about an hour but at least I was the one that broke it. No worries new glass is waiting for it as I type this. When I snapped this shot it caught the reflection of the light in my kitchen which made it look like there is a sun in the picture.


We barely managed to get everything up with a few seconds to spare. The building was being locked up and so we took a couple of really fast shots before we left. We never even had any time to do in progress shots.




Later in the evening when I was postering I saw a woman inside the gallery quietly standing and contemplating the paintings. She looked ever so thoughtful and mesmerized at the same time. That's the best compliment I could ever have asked for.

Postering the Town

My youngest son and his girlfriend were my partners in crime today. After I hung the show, we went around in the dark putting posters up.







Can you find my posters in the photos? They're hiding there.

Do or Die Time

I'm making the button for my art show. The art show site is coming together although I've been struggling with getting a gallery up. Anyway things have to come together because I'm hanging it tomorrow. Now's the time to feel the fear and do it anyway.

PS Wooohoo! It works! Check out the side bar and click on the button!

Cabin Fever

I haven't been feeling well this last week. Not like a cold but not like myself either. I've had a few day long, skull cracking headaches, and nausea and just a weird all over unwell feel. Maybe it's signs of an upcoming stroke? Or an aneurism?

A few weeks ago the health unit called me and told me I may not be immune to the chicken pox, and I've been itchy. I Googled adult chicken pox symptoms.

Or maybe it's something else? Like Lupus? I've been watching House lately.

Maybe it's a skin infection? Or my kidneys are failing?

My eyes have been awfully dry. I hope it's not the graft/vs/host flaring. Although it doesn't feel like graft/vs/host... or cancer.

Maybe I've suddenly become allergic to my bras? Or that top I just bought at the thrift store? Maybe it's an adverse reaction to hair dye? I did just get my hair done for my art show.

Or maybe there's a build up of all these stupid medications in my system? Maybe there's a lifetime cap on what your body will ingest medication wise?

My hip is still bothering me. I've gained a lot of weight this last year. I hope it hasn't impaired my immune system. Or caused more estrogen in my body in addition to the hormone patch that I have to wear.

After talking to a friend the other day it seems as if I've had at least one migrane. What would happen if I had a stroke while driving? Would I be able to stop the car?

Geesh, I hope I stay in one piece until the art openings.

Newest Painting

I'm still working away like a busy bee. It's hard to believe the amount of work that goes into putting on an art show. Since yesterday was Valentines Day I went to get my hair done to do something nice for myself. That and I didn't want to show up at my art openings looking like someone who's been wearing sweatpants for the last 2 months.

I had also committed myself to making a painting for a local gallery's fund raiser. This economic crisis has lead to our arts funds being chopped. Galleries that previously had funding are really struggling now. It was a little crazy to offer to do it considering the amount of work I have to do with these looming deadlines. It didn't help either that I had a blinding headache all day.

I woke up to find all the tea gone and started drawing and painting on the LP cover I had prepped the night before. There's nothing like leaving something to the last minute. I decided to draw my super power socks and I didn't title it but it did get handed in.

It will be sold (hopefully) at an event on Friday.

Cook without a Kitchen

An artist without a studio is like a cook without a kitchen.

I was just outside photographing my work and racing against the thunder and rain. I think I got most of them thankfully because the coming weather is all rain rain rain!

Break

Need to put down the art show prepping and walk away. I've been building the poster for my art show and then decided to make it bigger yadda yadda, and photoshop quit leaving me without my poster saved. I know. Classic mistake.

I've also been researching printing, contacting people to let them know the dates, finalizing details, and even arranging to paint the space.

Now that I've been staring at the poster graphics for 2 days straight it looks completely wrong and I'm obsessing over little changes... that's the time to take a walk, put it away and leave it until tomorrow.

So much to do, so little time.

Ha!

I just found this post from the last time that I had an art show. That sounds like me today!

Click here to see the post.

Art & Fear

I feel the heat from the impending double art shows. I can't believe the first time I try and show my work for several years, I end up with two shows in the same month.

Some would call that crazy.

I call it extra crazy because I'm such a slow and methodic painter.

Two art shows at the same time means two entire bodies of work that need to be completed ASAP. Working over Christmas was out because so many other things need to get done and of course being a mom zaps tons of time. Now I'm trying to catch up which means painting 24/7.

Here's a page from my sketchbook which contains my scribbling thought processes in creating my final paintings.


When I'm not wringing my hands and pacing for fear of not meeting my deadlines, I'll be posting more pages.

Ready, Set, WORK!

I've been very busy getting things ready for my art shows, starting from the ground up. I have no space in my house to work so I have completely rearranged my bedroom to be my place to sleep, my office and my painting studio. Only one thing can be done at a time because there is no space so I've started with scanning a lot of photos of my childhood and my parents childhood. I use these in various ways in my paintings. The work I've been doing the past few years has had a lot to do with photographs.

I have also been watching, thinking and mulling but not necessarily in that order. It almost feels like I'm not doing much except putting out family fires and making sure everyone is alive. It's not easy to be single parenting these days. Not that it ever was I guess.

Mulling over the concepts for my art shows though is critical. I have had a lot of thoughts, ideas and AHA! moments (not necessarily in that order) in the last few years and it seems to be a big job to graft them together into something comprehensive. All the artwork in one show needs to be a body of work that can hang together.

My areas of study in art have been pretty varied and the art I create is just as varied. I can flip flop from one complete style to the next without blinking an eye. I suppose that's a good thing except when I need to put together a body of work that all looks like it comes from me.

The planning and milling around my room portion is a good part to be doing right now considering I'm not well. I work around the ebb and flow of what my body needs. I have the odd mini dance party here and there to keep my energy from falling into a deep hole.

As this process goes on, if I keep plugging away and getting as little or as much done as I can in a day, I think I should be able to make the deadlines. This is the part where it goes from exciting to work.

I plan to continue posting here about my post cancer adventures, my health, my inspiration and snippets of work for the impending arts shows. I'll also be offering the odd art piece here for sale. It's a lot to do so wish me luck.

Hoping for a Fresh Start

I'm still sick. If there's anything like a brutal reality check that I'm not who I was, it's being sick for over three weeks. I can't help but feeling I'm a failure which is a feeling that doesn't make a lot of cognitive sense. How is being ill a failure?

My plans fall apart in mid flight, left, right and centre. I try my best to not let it get me down but it's struggle.

I try to get my thoughts to gel to a point where I can take action to get them done, or at least point myself in that direction. It's such a far cry from where I used to be. I used to get lists of things done effectively every day and get top marks in University etc. I know that is still a huge piece of me even though I am significantly slower now. I need to have my plate less full but my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I still want to tackle things with wild abandon and sometimes I get it done but then I pay the price physically.

I often lament how it feels as if my life before cancer has been severed from me and all I have left is this post cancer life. All the momentum I have built was thrown to the wind.

Or has it?

I received a call a few days ago from a gallery I used to supply with paintings. I have the distinction there as having sold the most amount of paintings of any artist they've ever had. Not bad.

They want me back which feels fantastic. I've agreed and will be working for the next few months getting work ready for them. I also have secured another location completely separate of that to feature my work in March. The work I've been creating for that show is very personal and about my intimate reality of having cancer at 32. I have 2 completely different types of work to get done for two different locations and I need to start ASAP.

I know this is way too much and my body may self combust like it's doing right now but I need this. I can't be cancer girl forever. I need to be able to morph into some other incarnation that is more inclusive of all that I am. I need a dash of hope in this suffering. Actually, I need to leave this suffering behind me.

And what I mean by suffering is collecting up the pieces of me and put them back together. I could make a list of all that is wrong in my life directly because of this horrific infliction but it would be a looooooong list and I'd much rather concentrate on what is right.

News Paper Article

I'm doing the happy dance right now! Mentally of course. Spectacular and tragic accidents happen when I physically try and do the happy dance.

I finally got a hold of a copy of the news article the paper did about me and my artwork. The photo of me is HUGE. I admit, it's a good photo of me, taken last year in brief time I was off the prednisone. I look pretty hot and fabulous with my "pixie cut" and my boots.

I was on the cover of the ARTS section and my photo takes up most of the page. The article is hideously flawed with misquotes, including a baited quote at the end. I would have never said, "It would be nice if people would buy my paintings", if the journalist hadn't asked and baited me in to saying it. How unprofessional sounding on my part. Also, the part at the bottom of the article where they say, "see ART SHOW pg. 2", it said, "see DISEASE pg.2" It also called me, "groggy", because I explained, "chemo brain" to him. They also had the photo of my painting sideways, but whatever. ANYWAY. I could write another article on all the mistakes they made, but all in all, it looks really good.

The part that has me really excited, is how the universe has a way of putting things together.

A few years ago I left the community I grew up in to finish my studies at a larger university with more impressive credentials. As I finished my last year I ended up diagnosed with leukemia. While I was in hospital I read an article from a First Nations artist from my home community. He candidly spoke about how he nearly ended his life and how the decision to create through art, saved his life. I was incredibly touched by his story and cut out the article to paste in my cancer scrapbook. His honesty and struggle gave me an extra bit of fight and inspiration.

As I sat side stage during my convocation, I looked in the grad pamphlet and saw that I had graduated with honours and with distinction! I also learned that the artist whom I had read about was receiving an honorary degree. I heard him tell the same story that I had pasted in my scrapbook a few days earlier.

After the ceremony, I went backstage and to meet him and they threw me in front of the camera during his photo shoot...with my blue wig! When I was back in hospital for my stem cell transplant, he tracked down my grandmother and through her, sent me a beautiful card and hand written note.

I also used a quote from him in my artist write up, for my show.

Today, when I opened the paper, there was a full article of him opposite to mine in the Community section. Between the two of us we took up the entire two pages! I've been planning to get in contact with him again to thank him. This is the little push I've needed, to do it.

I'm sitting on my patio right now, in the dark typing this and feeling very blessed, lucky...and content.