Confrontation of Self -Photopalooza Day 6

I'm a mother and a student and an artist. I didn't have much concept of myself outside of those categories before. I certainly didn't exist as an individual. My life was for others and my focus was always outwards. There isn't much room for the existence of self, with three boys.

My life changed in an instant.

In contradiction, my hospital room was a cell where I was not allowed to leave and was far from my family. I had to mostly stay in my room and was never allowed to leave my floor. I was not used to being away from my children.

When you strip a human being of their family, friends, job, personal effects, coping mechanisms, freedom and hang them on the edge of life, you may find that there isn't a whole lot left. There is an empty hole where that person used to be. Finding myself with no other focus I honestly wondered what it mattered if I was here or not.

With my new camera, I began to take photos of everything around me in my room. I took photographs of all the disinfectants, gloves and medical paraphernalia which I, myself, needed. In this cell, it was all about me. As I pitched and rose through fevers, chemotherapy, and reactions to medications, I had to spend my moments with myself,

so I turned the camera around.

The Flaming Joy of Menopause

I believe I've discovered a renewable untapped energy resource. As I write this I am stripping down to my tank top due to an inner surge of post nuclear powered heat. My head becomes red at random intervals and I must remove my clothing. The slightest amount of emotion or warmth transforms and compounds into an abundance of menopausal energy. A hot shower can leave me with hours and hours of an overactive amount of body heat.

Think of the global implications! If we could harness the power of the thrashing restless nights, let alone the heat, we could lay off our non renewable natural resources. The emotional swings of a few women alone could power a small city. My chemo/menopausal forgetfulness which makes me pace around the house could charge a light bulb, at least!

I've heard a theory that raging into early menopause due to chemotherapy is much more severe then coming into it naturally. Either way the concept is mind boggling. This is supposed to happen at some later point in your life? It seems weird and unnatural to me.

We might as well capitalize on it!


I think I may win the Nobel prize for my ingenuity.

Chemo Girl #2

So... it seemed Chemo Girl and Slipper Boy had parted ways and that would be that.

One day Chemo Girl realized that Slipper Boy was in possession of a source of her super powers...her photos of her head getting shaved. These photos were no mere photos. They were, in fact, the precise moment when Chemo Girl became a super hero with all of her associated powers.

As Chemo Girl was too weak to do anything until she received her photos back, her friend sent a message to Slipper Boy. Chemo Girl would love to have her photos back...please...

Well, this sent Slipper Boy into a delusional rage. The Dark Side had pierced his heart and there was no turning back. The brave friend deflected evil messages left and right doing her best to protect Chemo Girl. Unbenownst to her, evil, defaming messages were being sent to Chemo Girl's other friends as well.

Slipper Boy demanded to confront Chemo Girl herself in a battle for the Photos.

He tried to distract her with other pictures which were obviously not THE photos and tried to shame Chemo Girl as well as many other desperate deeds. He said the photos were "ruined" and that he "didn't know how to send them". His pathetic attempts did not fool Chemo Girl. She's not stupid.

Chemo Girl resisted for as long as possible but it seemed there was no other way...She would have to confront the now evil Slipper Boy if she EVER wanted to see her photos again....

Weak...but trying not to show it she fired a tactful but curt message to Slipper Boy to PLEASE return the All Important Photos.

Suddenly....

Slipper Boy's angst seemingly melted and he sent them. But not without a reprimand trying to make Chemo Girl feel like a bad child.

Chemo Girl held her head high and did not stoop to his evil methods by sending him the all encompassing Hate Letter. She moved on just hoping that his damage to her circle was superficial and knowing that his powers had diminished to.....


....the point of non existance....

So, once again Chemo Girl had kicked ass. Maybe next time she'll have to aim for his balls.

Fuck Cancer, Shop Opening

Yay! I've just opened my PharmaCandy store on Etsy.com. Check out all the angry at cancery goodness. I only have a few things listed at this point but more will be coming on a daily basis.



I've done a lot of looking over the internet trying to find things which express our anger and grief. Well, I was trying to express MY anger and grief. I couldn't find what I was looking for. I began plotting (which is my FAVORITE thing to do) a website after buying the domain name, pissedoffatcancer.com, in a blind moment of feel'n sorry for myself, fury.





This is a photo of me, plotting.





Through everything I have found humour. It's out there. You can laugh at your chemotherapy, bald head, through your nausea etc. etc. It's helped me a lot. My website (when built) will be a place for getting it all out. Our souls are just as important as our bodies and having cancer does not mean we have achieved some angelic like temperament. We are still human and feel happiness, sadness, loss and grief. We also feel outrageous fuck all anger from time to time. Trust me, I'm not an angry person.

Anger is not a character flaw!

My magnets are pretty tame right now....but more are coming.....